these past few days

Just when I promised mokciknab that I'd be on-line so that my kids could chat with her kids, my internet went down! My ISP did some upgrades on the system and I was offline for almost 2 days.
Then when it was up, it was abit unstable somehow..
Today, for instance, I could dial up. but somehow the network was out of wack and I couldnt acces any web pages.
Till now, that is.

My husband left for Makk@h yesterday evening.
I cried.
It's not that I didnt want him to go.. i mean he's gone to perform the umrah, which is an ibadah afterall, but then.. it's the 18hour bus journey that kinda worries me.
And the fact that he's away.
I called him yesterday before his bus was supposed to depart, another time around 8 to ask if he has had his dinner. Then he called around 10 to tell he just had dinner and to ask about the kids.
I called him at 8am this morning to find out where he had reached, but he didnt pick up the phone.
I called him again at 8:30am and he picked up this time, telling me he was at the miqat, changing into his ihram.
He called me around 1:30pm just now and told me he had just completed his umrah, and is now going out for lunch.
Alhamdulillah.
He's going to do his umrah again within the next 2 days. His bus leaves Makk@h on Saturday, around mid-day. He'll be back on Sunday morning, Insya-Allah.

I am often reminded of someone's comment saying that I will receive some sort of enlightment when I move here. I am praying that the enlightment does not involve me losing someone I love. Hence my anxiety in letting Taufik travel so far without me.
(He's not alone, he's travelling with 3 other guys, and there are 2 families who ahd driven to Madinah earlier and are meeting up with them in Makkah).
What makes it worse is that people going to Umrah/Hajj are often advised to leave their wasiat (will?), just in case anything happens. So before he left, he reminded me of what debts we still have (2 house loans), what insurances we have signed up for, what I should do and who I should call should anything happen.
It just broke my heart even thinking about it.

But I try to waylay all negative thoughts.
I imagine him reaching there, praying for me and our family to be kept living in Islam and if we were to go, to go with Iman, in front of the Holy Ka'ab@h. I imagine him coming home in one piece, and his soul in peace, and that he would lead us as the head of an ideal islamic family would.
Insya-Allah, kan?

This morning we had hot dogs for brunch and then roti canai with dhal for lunch/tea.
I don't know what we'll have for dinner.
Not Maggi goreng.
I have a hankering for some burgers, actually. And curly fries..

It's maghrib now. better go.