The Story of One, In a Million.

Originally written on Sep 23, 2001, as an email to ummikusayang@yahoogroups.

picture courtesy of http://www.palestine-info.co.uk
Picture not directly related to story.


This is a true story. It is an excerpt from "Palestinians Speak" (pg 31-35).
I had taken the liberty to edit it for brevity. Even then, it is quite long.
I advise that you print this out or read it on your computer at your leisure. I also would like to advise you to read it when you're alone. I cried for an hour after reading it, and had to hug my children for comfort. But then again, I *was* pregnant, so it may just be hormones that's affecting my emotions.

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"Souad Srour Merii (29 years old)"
I was born in Shatila along with 8 other siblings, 5 boys and 3 girls. I was the eldest. The story I'm abt to tell u is what happened to me and my family in the massacre at Sabra-Shatila during the Israeli invasion of Lebanon in 1982. It happened on the evening of the 16th and the morning of the 17th of Sept, after the assassination on the 14th, of the Lebanese President-elect Bashir Gemayel, who was the leader of the Lebanese Forces, or the fascist Christian militia called Kata'ib (Phalange). This party was well known for its hatred towards Palestinians and for its collaboration with Israel.
...
On the 16th of Sept ... [she visited friends whose home had been destroyed and are living in a makeshift shelter] ... I went home, prepared dinner for my younger sisters and brothers, fed them and put them to sleep. My father refused to let me go alone to the shelter to pick up my friends, He asked me to take my brother Maher with me. At that time I was 17 and my brother was 12 yrs old. Shortly before we reached the shelter, we started seeing horrible scenes: bodies lying on the ground with blood flowing out of them. We heard moaning voices and people screaming in pain. Suddenly I was called by a voice that I knew to be that of our neighbour Abu Rida, who wanted us to help him.
"They slaughtered us, killed us, raped the girls and took away all the girls between 12 and 16 yrs old". Then he told us, "Escape from your house, don't stay in it. They will come back and kill all the people in the camp". I inquired about who did that, but suddenly we heard a voice shouting, "You dogs are still alive? Not dead yet?"
We ran away back home in order to tell our parents of the horrible events. We informed our father about what happened and about the advice of our neighbour. My father said , "Nothing will happen to us if God forbids. He created us and only He will end our lives". We stayed on our house till the dawn of next day, Friday, 17th Sept.
...
At 430 the next morning, our neighbour and my 11 yr old brother decided to go up to the roof of the house to see what was going on in order to decide whether to stay at home or run away. They were seen by the militia men stationed on the hills of the stadium overlooking the camp. My brother and our neighbour were frightened and came down quickly and told us what they saw, and shortly afterwards, we heard somebody knocking at the door.
My father inquired who was knocking and was told they were Israelis who wanted to search the house. He opened the door and saw 13 armed men outside the door. Some stayed outside the door, some went to the roof and some circled around us to frighten us.
I stood up with my younger sister beside my father, and the rest stood up beside my mother and our neighbour. My father welcomed them and asked them to sit down. One of the men answered that they wanted to take everything. I answered him back, and asked him why he wanted to take everything after taking away our most precious thing, which is our land. I said to him, "Why do you want to take more?" He answered me, "You'll see what we'll take more. I'll take you and your sister".
My father begged him to take everything except his children. He was hit on the face, and he started bleeding. I couldn't stop myself from shouting at their faces, asking them why they were hitting an old man. I was hit and pushed severely to the ground. When I felt the pain, I hit the soldier back. They took the money we had - LL40,000/- - and our rings, even my father's wedding ring.
One of them shouted and gave an order to take us inside the room. He ordered us stand up by the wall with our hands raised above our heads, with our backs towards them. They ordered us not to look back. My sister Shadia who was one and a-half years old raised her hands and called her mother because she was afraid. They started shooting us.
My baby sister was shot in her head, and her brains splattered over us.
My father was shot in his heart but was still alive.
My brothers Shadi,3, Farid, 8, Bassam, 11 and my sister Hajar, 7, and Shadia and our neighbour died right away.
My brothers Maher, 12 and Ismail,9, were safe because they were hiding in the bathroom.
My mother and my sister Nuhad, 16, were wounded, but did not die.
As for me, I was paralyzed right away and couldn’t move. The soldiers thought that we were all dead and left our house.
I started screaming and asking who was still alive. My mother, my younger sister and my 2 brothers in the bathroom answered. Then my father answered, but he was mortally wounded. I asked them to escape and send somebody to rescue me and my father. So, they escaped and I was left with my wounded father, surrounded by the dead members of my family. It was a horrible situation that I'll never forget in my whole life.
At 10 am, 3 militia men came back to pick up the money they forgot, and they saw me approaching my father. They cursed me with very dirty words and told me: "See what we will do to you in front of your father" The three of them raped me, one after another, in front of my father, shot me on my left hand, and went away. My father told me, "God be with you" , and passed away. He couldn’t bear what he saw, because at that time I hadn’t menstruated yet, and what happened was horrible for me, especially as it happened in front of my wounded father.
They came back again on the same day, in the evening, and saw me having a drink. They were furious because they found me alive. They shot me twice and hit me over the head, and I fainted right away. Later during the night, I woke up hearing the noise of cats that were roaming around the dead bodies. I tried, with my uninjured hand, to cover their bodies, but I didn’t succeed completely.
The next morning, Saturday 18th Sept, they came back again, but I pretended to be dead.
On Sunday morning, a Lebanese soldier came to enquire about his relatives and our neighbours. I shouted for help, but I couldn’t talk when I saw the soldier, who took off his jacket and covered my naked body. He took me with him. On my way out of the camp, I saw swollen corpses of those who had been slaughtered. I heard cries and moaning all the way. The soldier handed me to the Lebanese Red Cross, who at once gave me artificial respiration. They took me took me to a hospital, which refused to admit me because I was a Palestinian. I was then taken to the American University Hospital. There were many reporters and journalists there, but I couldn’t speak to anyone. I had lost my ability to speak.
...
[ she was treated, then reunited with her mother, but she continued to become hysterical and required tranquilizers every time she recalled the massacres and every time she sees a military man. She was then told to be sent to Tripoli for further treatment, in a car with a driver and a bodyguard]
...
We drove along the coastal road towards Tripoli. We reached 'The Barbara Check-point', which was very famous during the Lebanese civil war. The driver asked me not to move and to pretend I was sleeping. The militia men at the check-point who belonged to the fascist Lebanese Forces ordered the driver and the bodyguard to step out of the car. They explained about me that I was being taken to be treated. The two militia said, "We know the girl", and looking at them I immediately recognized that they were in my house during the massacre.
The three of us were taken away in a Jeep with "The Lebanese Phalange" written on it. They told me "now you will die", and they ordered the bodyguard to take off his clothes and sit on a bottle. Then they hit him on the head and he died immediately in front of my eyes.
Then they snatched away the urine bag and the I.V. [that she was using]. They took away the blankets covering me. They raped me in front of the driver and put me naked on a rock at the beach in order to die. "Now she will die by herself", they said. I stayed the whole night in that situation, with the driver looking at me with pity. The next day the militia men came back and ordered the driver to take me back to where I had come. I was taken back to the hospital in Beirut in a much worse condition, unable to speak at all, refusing to see anybody and having continuous strong hysterical attacks.
For two years after that date I was unable to speak. I was in a wheelchair with all the suffering which I had to live with inside me. I was hospitalized for 4 years and underwent 6 operations. I have left Shatila now. I cannot stand to live in that same house in which half of my family was massacred. My mother rebuilt the house and now she and my brothers, Maher and Ismail and my sister Nuhad are living there. Slowly I started my life anew. I can walk now with the help of special shoes and a cane, and I am working in the Norwegian Aid workshop, making and selling handicraft items.

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This is one, out of thousands, hundreds of thousands, even millions, of stories.

Imagine. This happened more than 20 years ago, and it is still happening now.
Will people look back at these events like they did the holocausts and wonder how they could have let this happen? Will they wonder why nobody did anything?

I will tell my children that I did my bit. It may not be much, but at least I did something.

dera1led

If you want to scare your husband off committing extra-marital affairs, make him watch Dera1led.

First, you entice him to watch it with two words: "Jennifer An1ston" and "S3xual Affair".
Then you go "wow, is it that easy?" when they start lying to their spouses.
Then *BAM* say "Padan Muka!!" (Serves him right) when Cl1ve Owen's life is wrecked just like a derailed train and he gets hit where men hurt the most: their wallets.
*muahahahahahahahaha!!!*

The story is quite intriguing even though the dialogue is quite predictable.
No nudity, a bit of underwear, but there is some for3play and a blurred s3x scene, so please be forewarned.
I found the ending to be too good to be true, but satisfying.

Blogathon 2006 for Aman Palestine

I am one of those mothers, who upon seeing pictures of suffering palestinian children, sees the faces of her children instead. I am sure they feel fear, sadness, pain.
Just like my kids.
Do you know how heart wrenching that is?

Picture courtersy of http://www.palestinemonitor.org/

When I see a picture of a dead palestinian child, I try not to forget that these children, even though they live in a war zone, where their lives are constantly under threat by bombings from across the border, were probably trying to live their lives as normal as possible.
A few minutes before they died, they were probably playing football, or riding a bike, or walking to school.
Just like my kids.


Picture courtersy of http://www.palestinemonitor.org/

We can't possibly imagine what the people of Palestine are going through at the moment, dealing with the loss of not just loved ones, but perhaps also the future, because of the loss of infrastructure and a support system.
But what we can do is help, in whatever way we can, in whatever capacity we can. No matter how small, every bit will count.

Here's what some friends of mine and I are doing:
We are going to collectively blog every half an hour for 24 hours, starting at 9pm (GMT +8) this Saturday July 29th, 2006. The blogs will be posted at primarybasic's blog (http://primarybasic.efx2.com/).
We will do this for our charity of choice, which is Aman Palestine, a non-profit, non-government organisation based in Bangi, Selangor Darul Ehsan.
Aman Palestine uses the contributions they get to help fund the activities at Palestinian refugee camps in Lebanon, Syria and Jordan. Some of the activities include: sponsorship of palestinian orphans, education fund for the children, vocational training for single mothers, building orphanages, medicinal assistance, buying clothes for the cold winter days, and for transportation, among other things.

What will you be doing?
You, my friends, will be pledging your dollars to our cause!
You can go to the blogathon pledge page (http://blogathon.org/sponsor.php?blog_id=426) where you'll be prompted to sign up as a sponsor. This is safe, and privacy is assured.
You can choose to pledge a lump sum, or by hourly based on how many hours we blogged (believe me, we WILL blog for 24 hours!). Amounts are in US dollars, so convert accordingly.
A confirmation email will be sent to you. Click on the link provided in the email, to verify your pledge. It must be understood that you have not made any payment as of yet.
After we have successfully completed our side of the bargain as promised, you will receive an email with your pledge amount and a link to Palestinkini where there will be details on where you can place your donations to (by banking in to a Maybank account or Bank Islam). Look for 'Aman Palestin Berhad'.
For overseas sponsors (donators), send an email to primarybasic(at)gmail(dot)com for details of transaction.
Donate DIRECTLY to Aman Palestin; neither us nor the Blogathon site handle any donation money.
If you can't pledge money, pledge your time. Promote our cause at your site, or email your friends (spam be damned!). Tell them what we're doing, spread the word!

As I said, we're not asking for much. Every little bit counts. Your contribution would mean a lot to the Palestinian children.
It means that they would have a future to look forward to.
Just like my kids. Just like your kids.

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For more info, check out these links:
Blogathon 2006: Aman Palestin
Crimson Skye's "How much do you care?"
What your TV will never show you: The Realities of GAZA

today, monday

monday is not even the first day of the week over here, and I am still having problems with mondays.

today:
1. my freezer has no meat in it. no chicken, no beef, no swakni lamb. I think i have 2 sticks of sausages. and some potato wedges. 2 tubs of ice cream.
2. I don't know what to have for lunch!! *pulls hair* aarrrrrgggghhhh
3. I want to make choux buns (read: cream puffs) but I only have 2 eggs in the fridge. That means I need to walk to the mini market. can you spell M.A.L.A.S?
4. I'm making the cream puffs for tonight's tajweed class. They've moved it from wednesday back to Monday coz the hosts are going back to Malaysia for a vacation this Wednesday.
5. My kids are really really really really really really reallly reaaaaallllllly annoying me. The ones who can talk and bicker and scream with each other and make a mess of the house. The ones who won't eat when and what I tell them to. The ones who havent bathed or brushed their teeth at 10am. The ones who have got their PS2 confiscated time and time again and never learn.

okay now the baby is crying. gotta go.

p/s Updated Izani's blog.

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Edited to add:

ah.. This is one of those days that it pays to be a goddess.
I discovered that I had leftover Ayam Masak Merah (Chicken in red Sauce, with 2.5 pieces of chicken left), a quarter of an omellete and about half a cucumber from last night (I didnt know I had them coz Taufik helped put them away after dinner while I went to bathe Izani). I also had a packet of Pancit Canton (chinese egg noodles) somewhere in my cupboards.
So after boiling the noodles till tender and draining it, de-boning and cutting up the chicken into bite sized pieces, sauteing some thinly sliced shallots and garlic, adding the chicken and red sauce, adding abit of water, tomato sauce (to cut down the spicyness of the red sauce), sweet soy sauce, sugar&salt&pepper to taste, then tossing the noodles + finely chopped omellette and cucumber in ... voila!
Fried noodles for lunch!
I had mine garnished with crispy fried shallots and roasted cashews. I was into my last few forkfuls when I heard izani waking up.
Just in time... !

but damn.. I still need to get eggs for the choux buns..

rugged living

When we first got here, Taufik made it clear that we're not going to decorate our house too extensively. He said that if anything happens (i.e. an attack and our lives are in danger), he would want to be able to leave with just a bag of clothes and not worry about packing 'stuff'. I called it his 'bedouin decorating philosophy'.
Furthermore, he said, he is not planning to work here for more than two years. I saw that to mean "don't get too comfortable".
So for the past year that we've been living here, my house was bare, except for a few chinese white and blue porcelain vases that I bought for SR10 each at Ramez.

A few months ago he declared that he has revised his financial plans and that we might be staying here longer than 2 years. So I put my foot down and demanded that we make this house feel more like a home. I am embarassed to invite anyone over, coz our house is so bare. When we did have people over, I had to serve them on chipped dinnerware. I always have to apologize for the lack of eye-candy.
I am not much for decorations. I like homes that feel lived in, that does not look or feel like a hotel or fully-furnished rented house (which is what we're currently living in), where the inside of every other house looks just like your house.
I just want to personalize, make my home represent me.
Unfortunately, the only thing that had represented me from my home in Malaysia that I brought over here, was a faded pua kumbu (a traditional tie/dye method from Borneo) cloth that I now use to cover the table at our entrance.
So, now I have to start from scratch .. which is not such an unfortunate thing after all.. ;)

tee hee...
these are my latest prized possession:

Not iranian. 'Man Made Silk' it said, but looks and feels like the real thing. Very cheap. buy one get one free. The kids are allowed to roll around in it, but are not allowed to eat anywhere around it. One goes under the dining table when guests come over, but will be rolled and safely stowed away on normal days (my kids have not yet mastered the art of keeping their food within their plate).

I am, at the moment, quite happy and feeling very much at home.
(but they may change soon.. I still need to get a proper dining ware.. my plates are chipped!! The price I pay for asking the kids to help out with the dishes. And I dont even own a teapot. How to invite people over for tea like that?)

guilt trip

Gosh so much is going on in my mind.

I had forgotten where Beit Atfal As-Samoud was located.
I had to dig up my drawer of letters to find out. and it took a while, coz you can't really sit down and rummage through drawers when there are 3 curious kids looking over your shoulder, asking what every other thing is, and having a baby cry every other hour, watch the news in between, and having to do chores in between and blog in between..
[excuses mexcuses!]
anyways. I feel bad. coz I just managed to find the letters this morning and realized that Beit Atfal As-Samoud is in SOUTH Lebanon!
Astaghfirullah-hal-azim. Oh. my. god.
I really hope my daughter's ok.
What makes me feel worse is that I havent written to her in a long while, even though I have been sending money.
arrggghh the guilt the guilt!
I wrote MSRI today, asking if they heard any news.
I am really praying that the kids are safe.
I wonder if I can call them up. Are the phones even working???
arrrggghhhhhh the guilt, the guilt!!!

Maybe that's why I got so riled up.
It's my guilty conscience.

I'm all thumbs

I managed to borrow some DVDs from a friend. So my life have been totally packed with entertainment these past few weeks. Here's what my thumbs thought of the movies I managed to watch:

P0lar Express
I thought the animation was awesome. I seriously believe that they filmed the actors live, then managed to make it look 'animated' in some way. I also think that they did this film with a ride in mind, coz most of the scenes contained some sorta trip down some kinda track, almost like a rollercoaster ride. After watching H00dwinked, Ice Ag3 The meltd0wn, which also had scenes like that, it doesnt give you the same excitement as the first time you saw it in an animated movie, y'know? In fact, it's getting kinda stale.
Story-wise, I thought it was kinda sweet. I almost cried when the boy couldnt hear the sleigh bells. But then when the movie was over, i found it kinda funny, how some people work so hard to make kids believe that there really is a Santa Claus. Isnt it almost blasphemous to make people believe that there's another supreme being out there besides God? I have never read the Bible from start to finish, but was Santa Claus even mentioned?
Or am I making too much out of it?
ah well, we don't believe in Santa anyways and my kids know he doesnt really exist, so we saw the movie just as entertainment, so rating it on that value, I'd give it a 1.5 thumbs up.

The We@ther Man
oh.my.god. what a waste of time. I didnt learn anything from watching this movie. My kids learned a few new cuss words though, which made me feel uncomfortable thruout the whole time I was watching it. I mean, do you really need to cuss that much? Do real people cuss That much?
2 thumbs down.

The H0use of Flying D@ggers
Cinematographically, this movie was SO BEAUTIFUL! The sceneries that was used as the backgrounds in this movie was like those you find in motivational/inspirational posters. The kung-fu action was okay, because I don't really like flying, jumping from tree to tree kinda kung fu coz they look so unreal.
This is not, however, a movie for kung-fu fanatics, because it's actually a romance in disguise. My husband got bored halfway (plus he hates having to read subtitles) and I ended up watching the rest of the movie another day, with the kids. It's got Takeshi Kanishiro(sp?), so just for that,.. 2 thumbs up! tee hee.

The J@cket
This was a surreal movie. It's sorta like 12 monkeys, but less apocalyptic. Furthermore, it has a happy ending. I was expecting it to be really scary, but it turned out it wasnt scary at all. It was kinda sweet and corny, really. I'm glad I watched this before the next movie, because it would've thrown me off to see Kiera Knightley not talking english-english..
erm.. 1.75 thumbs up, only because I found Adrien Br0dy kinda annoying.

Pr1de & Prejudice
I thought it was a typical period-english movie, nothing overly extraordinary about it. I mean, there's nothing about it to set it apart from say, Sense and Sensibility or Emma, or Howard's End (which is, in a class of it's own).
I dunno, maybe I am just prejudiced coz I always found Jane Austen to be a tad condescending toward 'less unfortunate' people.
The cinematography was beautiful though.
1.75 thumbs, only because I think Donald Sutherland is awesome, and Kiera did quite a good job.

The New W0rld
i didnt even finish watching this one, because it was so boring. I only borrowed it coz I was curious about Q'orianka Kilcher. But after about half an hour, I was wishing I was watching D1sney's pocahontas instead. Q'orianka was really cute, though.
0.5 thumbs up, for Q'orianka.

The Sk3leton K3y
I was really scared to watch this movie, coz mokciknab told me she got spooked by it. I watched this movie with Taufik (I made him stay and watch with me even when he said he was bored), and endured his scathing comments about how stupid the girl was, why doesnt she turn on the light, why is she such a snoop, why can't she just stay in her room diam-diam..blah di blah. Kalau dia dok diam-diam je, tak jadi cerita lah pulak... kan?
I thought it was okay. I'm glad there's no ju-0n like ghosts because I hate those kinda movies. It's not like blood and gore either, so that made me like it.
I really liked the ending. Got me thinking about it for the whole night.
2 thumbs up!

if you're wondering, I didnt get to watch rawkstar supernawva last week, coz i didnt know they had a live show on wednesday morning, and wednesday night I went to my tajweed class and I didnt catch the repeat on Thursday noon coz I went out to lunch at Chilli's.
I know Chris got the boot tough. i had wished it had been Zayra, coz she's starting to look kinda like a fake rawkstar.

Could you spare some change?

Reading nectar's post on how she had changed since moving to Japan made me think of how I myself have changed these past year.
And today being the annivessary of my move to Al-Kh0bar, Kingd0m of S@udi Ar@bia (yes, I arrived here at about 3am on this date, last year), I thought what would be more apt than to take stock of how living here have affected me?

I think I'll categorize these changes on how my relationships with some of the most important things in my life: myself, my family, other people in general, and last but not least, food (!).

Myself
I think all the time being almost alone at home has made me know myself better.
I realized that I can be totally malas nak mampus (lazy to death) if I let myself be, and I can also be totally berani macam gila (brave like crazy) when I put my mind to it. I have spent one whole day doing nothing but watch TV for 5 straight hours, stopping only to open the door for my boys coming home from school, and then later to prepare dinner for my husband. I took the bus on my own, (dragging anis along), with no handphone and just money and went shopping at a bazaar a 45 minutes' bus ride away. I know it doesn't sound so dangerous to you people living in civilized lands, but here, it's quite unusual to find a woman walking about alone without a man's escort, especially when it's not in an over-priced mall and the said woman looks more like a maid than an expatriate's wife. Fortunately I have learnt to turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to uninvited advances from salesmen and came out with dignity intact. (but I don't know if I'll ever do it again).
Having almost nothing to do has also made me more open about voicing my needs and wants. I became more firm with my requests, and have been able to successfully argue and persuade my husband to buy things that I suggested would make me more at home here in a foreign house, in a foreign land. Case in point: The blender.

My family
I think I've become a better wife and mother since I've moved here.
On top of the whole family being together, I am also 100% at home. Before moving here, even though I was not working, I would be out of the house sometimes, going to my mother's place or to my sister's place or having a girl's day out with the lunch ladies.
There were also other people around, so sometimes I leave my kids to spend time with other people and don't pay as much attention to them as I do now. Yes, sometimes I grow sick of them and their antics, but I also think I have grown closer to them. We truly talk to each other about everything and I am getting to know them better as they are getting to know me better too.
Same thing goes with my husband. We talked a lot before, but I think now that we are so far a way from our own families, we opened up much more. He has truly become my confidante. and I am more deeply in love with him than ever before. *blush*
With the rest of my family, well, apart from this blog, we have communicated through M5N and Skyp3. It's a funny thing when you're talking though the internet.. somehow I feel it's more intimate than when you're sitting across each other in your mom's living room. So even though we're physically further apart, I think we're emotionally closer.

Other people in general
With other Melayus:
I treat them like family!! When we meet, we kiss and hug and ask how you've been.. and we're always feeding each other. You can't help it, it's an instant carmaraderie that your develop when you meet a fellow countrymen in a foreign land. The malaysians here are so close knit, it's amazing. When I was in the hospital after delivering Izani, they came with rice and steamed fish and other dishes that they know the hospital can't provide. So when I hear somebody's sick or something, we go and visit, we bring a little something-something.
You know how sometimes when you're in Malaysia, you don't even smile at the melayu walking pass you? Over here, if I see someone who remotely looks Malaysian, I'd quickly ask.
With non-Melayus:
ah well.. with the ladies, I try to be friendly and not be too hurt if I don't get a similar response. But most often than not, the ladies I've met (who could speak english) are quite amiable and they just love babies! I can't walk a hundred feet in a crowd of women without one of them pinching izani's cheeks. I think I have becomed a little reserved though.. the first time I was here, I was friendlier, always the one who would introduce myself first. But as I became tired of not getting an equally warm response, I now sit back and wait to be said hello to. Thus I have learnt to be contented to be alone, reading a book, or playing with anis, at times.
With the men.. hm.. I think I used to be quite friendly with men. I mean, not friendly to the point of being flirtatious, but friendly enough to be pleasant. I'd say thankyou and smile to bus drivers, cashiers, salesmen, bag boys, clerks and the likes. Here, however, I have learnt to be more .. urm.. snobbish. And i can't help it, coz it's a must. Show a little nicety (sic) and some men would take it the wrong way and you'd get something you wont expect, and would not like.
I once raised my hand to the guy holding up the bar gate when we were entering our compound, as a sign of thankyou. Taufik told me off. He said, "Don't". I asked why, and he said "Just Don't". The next time we drove pass, i think I saw the guy giving me a wink. The next time we drove pass, I learnt to just stare in front of me blankly.

Food
Oh. My. God.
I think my relationship with food has totally changed since I've come here. I am obsessed with cooking. I mean OBSESSED. oh wait. maybe it's more like POSSESED than obsessed.
I have cooked things I never thought I would cook. Like Ketupat Sotong (Stuffed Squid), for instance. and Tepung Boko (Tapioca pudding with coconut cream topping). And never in my life prior to moving here have I put anything in the oven, and here I am baking cakes and pavlovas! with cream frostings! I am making smoothies from scratch! I even made a banana cake from scratch! My mom would've fainted. Well, actually, I did bake a cake out of a box when she was here, and she didnt faint. But I think she was pretty impressed. tee hee.
I have become pretty adventurous with food too. Usually I wouldnt try anything foreign unless mokciknab told me it was good. But I have bravely ordered palak paneer and liked it very much.

I think all in all, this move has definitely changed me, whether it's for the better in some parts or not. I surely hope to retain the improvements, and hope to be able to work on the degradations..

Pavlova with peach and cream topping, made 16th July 2006, totally consumed two hours later

Stay at home, Mom

Look at izani here!

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Before I start, I think I better write a disclaimer.
This post, is not meant to make any of my readers out there who are working moms (most of whom I consider friends) to feel bad. I am just merely telling you how I feel about being a stay-at-home-mom. These are my observations, since I was a working mom, and I found these things that I'm going through now to be quite a revelation. to me.

hokay.

As you know, Izani is 3 months today. Somehow, this time around, I feel like 3 months is a really long time. It feels like i've known baby Izani forever. and I say that not in a bad way. I mean, not like "oh my god it feels like forever!!! when is it going to end??" kinda way .. more like in a "I feel like I've known you all my life" kinda way.
And I think the reason is because I am now a stay-at-home mom.
I am around all the time. And since I do not have any help, it means that I am the only one around, for most parts of the day at least, until his father comes home. It means that I am the person he sees and touches and hears to the most.

With the other 3 kids, by the time they were 60 days old or so, I'd be off to work. I'd see them in the morning, then for about half an hour when (and if) i can come home for lunch, then only when I come home from work in the evening. I'd be with them more during the weekends, of course but at other times, they'd be with either a maid, my mom or caregiver at a nursery.
I am usually almost out of touch with what goes on with their day; how many bottles of milk they drank, when they drank it, did they poop today, what lotions were rubbed on his body, how long and how often did he nap, how he was comforted, how long he had his dirty diapers on.. so on and so forth. Even though I consider myself to be quite a control freak when it comes to how my children are handled, some things that happen(ed) when I am at work is really beyond my control.
When I came home, if the baby is cranky i wouldnt know why. If the baby had diaper rash, it would catch me totally by suprise. If the baby won't sleep when I expect him to, I would be at a loss as to the reasons. I just had to wing it.

This time, however, I have FULL control, baby! I know every single thing that happened during the day. I know exactly what goes into him and what comes out of him. I know why he's not tired. I know why he's cranky. I know what makes him laugh. I know what makes him cry.
It makes me feel so in control, but more than that, it makes me feel like a real mother.
And the relationship that I have with Izani, since I spend so much time with him, is undescribably special. I no longer rely on those breastfeeding times to have our moments of bonding (and don't feel so bad when I fail to have breastfeeding moments), because we bond at other times. I am the one who bathe him, I am the one who feeds him even when it's the bottle. I'm the one who picks him up when he cries. I'm the one who plays with him right before he goes to sleep. It's not some other person. All he sees is me, and I'm the first person he learns to recognize. Sometimes even when he's with Taufik and he sees me walk past, he would fix his eyes on me and follow me around. Sometimes he'd give me a little holler.
I tell ya, it makes me feel quite special. *grin*

Don't get me wrong though.. I'm not saying that I love my other kids any less because I spent less time with them. I'm not saying that they don't make me feel special. I still felt like my heart was going to burst when they ran up to me and screamt "Bonda!!" and hugged me when I picked them up from the nursery.
I'm just saying that the relationship was different, you know?
It's like they were constantly craving for my attention, while Izani.. well, as of now, he's abit clingy, but he seems more calm and contented compared to the others.

I know that other stay-at-home moms would think this is nothing new, but to a person who have raised 3 kids while working, it made me think, "Why didn't I do this earlier?".

On another note, I hope I'm not raising a clingy baby, one that wants nobody else BUT me. Coz then that would mean I could not leave him with other people for a while for me to go dating with my husband or something..
Now that would be a problem.

What my kids taught me

Ilham

Last weekend Ilham was kinda cranky. Nothing he does seems right, he whined almost all the time. He got frustrated with his younger siblings. He was really unfocused and was slacking on his dishwashing chores. I was kinda angry at him for acting out, so I just ignored him.
We had to go out to the grocery store and I almost had to force him to come with us.
We were in the car on our way back when he asked, "Can we go somewhere? Jalan-jalan, boleh?" (sightseeing, can we?)
"ummmm..." Taufik thought, before answering.
We were driving towards Corniche Road, the street that ran along the beach, and Ilham instantly asked, "Can we go to the beach? please?"
"What do you want to do at the beach?" I asked.
"Let's just have family time" he answered.
So Taufik pulled over and parked at the side of the road and we all went down to the jungle gym that was by the beach. (The kids all said "Thankyou Ayah!" as they got off the car. That was so sweet of them)
Taufik and I sat on the bench watching the kids play while we shared some doughnuts that we had bought at the grocery store. (I had to hold Izani, so Taufik had to feed me).
I saw Ihsan attempt the monkey bar, but he moved too slowly so by the time he was halfway, his arms had grown tired so he let go and fell on the soft sand. He looked at me and I gave him a thumbs up, yelling "good try!" from where I was. He just grinned and ran off to the slides.
Then I saw Ilham at the monkey bar. I was suprised at his agility and strength. His movements were quite smooth and quick as his hands moved from one bar to the other. His legs were adeptly kept apart and swayed to balance his movements.
When he successfully reached the other end, I yelled out a triumphant "Yay!!! That was a great job!!" to him and he gave me the biggest grin I've seen on him all day.
We were walking towards the car when it was time to go home, and I told him that I was so suprised that his arms were so strong. Ihsan complained that his wasn't strong enough, so I told him to eat more rice and practice on the monkey bars some more.
When Ilham got home, his demeanor changed. He was in a better mood, he didnt complain when he had to help with the dishes. He was nicer to his siblings.
Sometimes kids just need to go out. And sometimes all they need is someone to tell them they're great.

Ihsan

Ihsan was picking up tiny bits of these constructor toys they had and they were all over the living room. Some were near the TV cabinet, and when he bent down to pick one, his head hit one of the cabinet doors. He said "Ow!", keeled over and fell on his face.
Still on the floor, he turned to look at me.
"What happened? Are you okay?" I asked, while trying to supress a laugh, coz I was afraid if he would feel hurt that I found his accident funny.
Ihsan grinned and said "I was just trying to get that, and BANG! I hit my head" and then he let out a giggle that made me and Ilham laugh so hard that Ihsan started laughing hard too.
When you can laugh, you can't hurt.

Anis

I was preparing dinner, and there was a small pile of dishes in the sink that I had been putting off since after lunch.
Anis came into the kitchen for a piece of cake. I was annoyed and felt a bit bothered by her interruption, but gave her a slice of cake on a small dish anyway.
After she's done with the cake, she placed her plate in the sink and saw the dishes.
"Oh, Bonda, Can I wash the dishes? Can I?" She asks, in the same tone she would use to ask me if she can go out and play.
I hesitated, I thought about how she would not do a good job, but then I thought, why not? If I had to re-wash the dishes, it was something I was supposed to do in the first place anyway.
So I helped her pull up a chair to the sink. I showed her how to pour the dishwashing liquid into the soap bowl. I showed her how to control the faucet. I reminded her to wash both sides of the dishes, not just the top bit.
She asked me questions while she washed the dishes. She asked me why I had to throw away the chilli seeds (So that it won't be spicy for her to eat). Where do all the soapy water go (To the sewer). She asked me her favourite question, "Bonda, what are you cooking?" (Fried Fish). "Oooh Yummy" she replied.
When she was all done, I inspected her work.
I had to re-wash a few of the bigger ceramic dishes, but she did really well with the plastic ones that the kids use.
I said "Thankyou, Anis!"
She said "You're Welcomed!" and ran upstairs to watch her brothers play PS2.
Never underestimate your child's willingness, and ability, to help.

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Because of you Sunflora, I made mee kari today...

world cup whirlwind

Since the match started at 9pm (khob@r time) last night, the whole family was on the couch watching the game.
I went to the loo at the beginning of the game and missed the penalty Zizou shot at the 7th minute. damn.. you can't even go to take a leak!
When materazzi scored with that header at the 19th minute, we (Taufik and I) thought "all right... *now* it's going to be a real fight!".
There were of course a lot of attacks and failed attempts .. but that still didnt keep us from feeling sleepy.
Taufik went to bed about halfway through the 2nd half (coz he's gotta go to work the next day), I stayed but started dozing off bit by bit 15 minutes before the 2nd half was over. The boys keept coming out of their room to check on me, "Bonda, are you watching or are you sleeping??" while threatening to switch offf the TV, to which I would reply "I'm watching...!! There's only 10 (or 5 or 2) minutes left!".
The extra time was a blurr to me. Everytime I woke up, I would check the score, since it was still 1-1, i would go back to sleep.

The next thing I knew, they were tossing coins for a penalty shoot-out (and the french goalie patted cannavaro's butt).
Zizou is nowhere to be seen. I heard something about a red card? I have to watch the replayof the game.
I saw the Trezeguet miss his shot (Doesnt he look like the love child of Mawi and the lead singer of Sheila on 7?). Poor him.. i'm sure he'll be regretting missing that shot for a very very long time.

Was I the only one who is geli geleman (getting the heebee jeebies) watching the italians celebrate the win?
The amount of sweaty bodies grabbing, kissing, hugging, even humping (watch what one of the players did to Buffon on the chair!) that I saw was enough for me to give the celebration an R rating.
I know the italians are very touchy-feely people, but damn... that was too much for me, man.

well, anyways.
Congratulations to the Italians (and their supporters).
I'm gonna go and read up on what happened to Zizou now.

Thai Style Chilli Sauce

Since my kids don't really eat spicy food, I seldom buy fresh chillies. But last week I decided to buy a packet of fresh red chillies, and when Taufik went to the fish market and came back with huge fish, I decided to try make my own Thai Style Chilli Sauce.
It was all on a whim, and I didn't have time to browse for recipes, so I had to wing it and use my imagination (and my tastebuds).
Lo and behold, it turned out to be not bad.. not bad at all..

Thai Style Chilli Sauce

Roughly ground in a mortar&pestle or in your blender:
5 fresh red chillies, remove the seeds
2 cloves garlic
1inch ginger

abt 1/4 cup water
2 tbsp vinegar
4 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp fish sauce (nampla)
salt to taste

Method:
Saute ground ingredients in 2tbsp of oil till fragrant. Add a bit of water, then the rest of the ingredients. Stir to mix completely, until bubbles form. Taste, add salt if needed.
Pour over deep fried or grilled fish. (might work well with fried chicken as well.. hmm yum yum)

we had this with steaming white rice and bayam goreng ikan masin.. yummeh!

Note:
If you completely remove the seeds of the chillies, the sauce would be un-spicy enough even for my children. If you'd like it spicy, leave some of the seeds in. Using a mortar&pestle to ground the chillies, garlic and ginger somehow makes it tastier than if you used a blender.. don't know why.

Leftover sauce can be kept in an airtight container in the fridge, i guess. I've never had leftovers yet.. tee hee!

VOTE FOR LADYVISINE

During her absence, I have taken over the campaigning duties for LadyVisine the Lamma Lady.

Please vote her for having the most awesome hair ever here.

You have till Monday the 10th of July!!
Malaysians have till Monday afternoon to do so coz I think shadowrose lives in the US.

GO GO GO!!

the talk about the home

Ilham

I was in the kitchen washing dishes when Ilham came down and sat with me.
"are you feeling under the weather?" he asked.
"why do you ask?" i turned to look at him suspiciously.
"I dunno, you look sad .. or not well." he shrugged.
I asked him where he learned that phrase, "Under the weather", coz I've never heard him use it before.
He said he learned it from the Wilf and Chip stories, the books that he gets for his reading assignments at school.
I am just glad the he's picking up something from those readings.

------------

I was breastfeeding the baby when Ilham asked me whether I was like a bomber.
"What??" I asked, wrinkling my forehead.
"You know, when fighter planes run out of fuel, they go to these huge bombers that will re-fuel them while they're still flying in the air" he explains.
"oh.. those are not called bombers.. they're called.. fuel.. tanker.. airplane. thingies.." I tried to offer.
"oh. so are you like .. that?" he asked again.
"why do you think i'm like those planes?" I asked, even though I know what the answer is. I just wanted to hear what he thinks.
"well, whenever Izani needs milk, all he has to do is go to you and suck on you.. just like those planes. So are you?" he says.
"I guess..." was all I could answer without laughing.

Ihsan

We were at a Thai restaurant when a guy selling vcds came over to show his wares. The kids saw one titled "Dinocroc" and got all excited about it. I dissuaded them by telling how those movies hardly ever show the animal in full length, unlike when they watch Dinosaurs or Jurassic Park. They only show a bit of the mouth, then a bit of the eye, then a bit of the tail, or the back, never the whole animal. The rest of the movie are usually just dialogues of people arguing over what kind of animal is it and who's going to go and kill it.
"I. don't. understand. a. word. you're. saying" Ilham said.
So I explained it again. After the third time, I grew tired and asked Ihsan to explain to his brother.
"Abang," Ihsan started, "That movie is no good. They dont show the whole dinocroc. We will only see the beak. or the eye. or the tail. It's no good." and he was done.
"okay" Ilham said.
It always takes a kid to talk to a kid.

Anis

We were watching Master&Commander. We came to the part where that French vessel re-appeared behind the English naval ship.
"Oh no! It's that boat again!" Anis said.
I never knew she could follow the movie.

Anis was playing school with Ihsan. Anis was the teacher and it was time for dancing lesson.
"okay, let's clap" she ordered, and Ihsan followed.
Clap clap clap.
"okay, feeze!!" she said.
"What?" we all went.
"Feeze!" she said again, this time emphasizing it with her palms out, signaling to her brother to stop.
"Oh, freeze..." Ihsan giggled.

Izani

Izani's not talking yet, but this is what we do during bath time.

---

I didn't get to watch Rawkstar Supernawva result show coz Taufik has an eversion to screaming banshees. But I found out from TWOP that Matt go kicked out, coz he sang Duran-Duran.
I like Duran-Duran, but any idiot would know that you do not sing Duran-Duran to former members of Metallica, Guns N Roses and Motley Crue, and then say you want to be their lead singer.
Happy selling real-estate, matt.

rawkstar supernawva

right off the bat, I like:
Josh
Dilana
Lukas

I think some of them sounded very very pitchy. I mean I understand that this is rock n roll, therefore you can improvise, but at least sing on key. I hate the way Zayra sings. I think Jill is okay, but some parts of her (you know which part) reminds me too much of Pam (you know.. anderson), which might either attract or put off Tommy Lee. I think Jennie from Canada rawks with her guitar, but her voice somehow belongs more in the pop genre.
Some of them have the charisma of a t-shirt, except for Phil, who has the charisma of a test tube. He should stick to chemistry.

am i being cruel?
hey, this is RAWKSTAR SUPERNAWVA.
it's not Americ@n Id0l. You can get away with being cute and innocent and sweet and cuddly wuddly on that. In rawkstar, you need to be able to do more than scream a song in tune. You need to be able to draw people like a vampire. You need to be able to make girls (or men) faint when you move on stage. You need to be able to keep me watching (and rawkin).

so let's see who fits the bill this time.

Viva Italia! Sorry, Germany

I can't believe I stayed up to watch the game, but I am glad I did.
I watched the first half of the first half with Izani in my arms, but he soon fell asleep, so I put him to bed.
I managed to stay awake throughout the second half of the first half, by flipping between watching the game and Law&Order SVU.
I was weaving in and out of wakefulness during the second half and extra time.
When they went to the second half of extra time with no scores, I thought for sure it was gonna end with a penalty shoot-out. I was kinda bummed about it. I stayed up for this?
When Pirlo got the ball with 2 minutes to go, I remember distinctively thinking, "Ini mesti kena palang lagi nih" (It's going to hit the bars again),
then he passed it to Grosso, who kicked the ball kinda skewed
and I was sure it was gonna be out,
when it curved,
and. went. in!
I jumped off the couch, whispering to myself "YES! YES! YES!" (coz the rest of the house is asleep).
I was doing a little jig in front of the TV while the germans frantically tried to equalize when I heard Izani cry.
I went into my room to pick the baby up, only to come back out to see the replay of Del Piero's goal.
What? what? what?
I was confused at first, but as soon as I saw Ballack cry, I knew that the game was over, and Italy goes to Berlin !

I wasn't actually rooting for anyone, but Firhad and I was predicting that Germany would win, coz they've been really good throughout the tournament. But we also knew that Italy would not go down without fighting.
Boy, what a fight it was. I was really glad for Grosso's score. Coz if it had to go to a penalty shoot out, it could've gone either way, and it would've been a victory that is less sweet.

I really felt sad when I saw the german players cry though.. and also the german fans..
I am sorry, Deutschland fans, but that's the way the ball rolls..

Tonight: Portugal vs France!!

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p/s added a picture to my Easy Peasy Cashew Chicken post.

cute little critter

We were on our walk yesterday afternoon and Anis brought the camera along. She took several blurry pictures of the surroundings and of us, when I saw her stop at a corner a few feet in front of us and she was looking down on the grass lining the sidewalk and she was squealing "so cute!!".
It was a tiny mouse!
and it was sooo cute. It was running on the pavement at first, but soon ran back on the grass. My kids and I gathered around the tiny mouse and followed it around a bit.
Anis wanted to pick it up, but I have this paranoia about germs and stuff, so I told her not to.
"But it's so cute!!" she squealed.
I compromised by taking a picture instead.

the cute little critter that could be carrying the plague for all we know

I want to go somewhere!!!

awww mannnn....
everyone is going home..
Most of the melayus in Ar@mco and also Kh@lud have gone home..
and we're stuck here.. :(
damn damn damn
At least my husband gets to drive to work, or drive out to the rig sites. At least he gets to travel and go somewhere.
Me and the kids?
We are stuck here in the house, coz it's too damn hot to go out.

I think I mentioned before, that when I agreed to move here, I had dreams of travel and adventure. I had dreams of being like I@n Wr1ght (only with a few kids tagging along), with a tuareg blue scarf around my face, riding a camel through the desert to rendesvous with a roasted lamb in a clear oasis with swaying palm trees and persian carpet covered tent. I had dreams of visiting the pyramids. I had dreams of taking pictures i front of that ruin in Jordan where Indi@na J0nes had gone on his last crusade. I had dreams of visiting the moroccan night market and sampling the snails that the guys in one of the legs in Am@zing R@ce competed to sell. I had dreams of watching a belly dancer in ist@nbul.
*sigh*
In reality, I feel like Aung S@N Suu Kyi, under house arrest (except maybe her house is probably nicer than mine). The furthest I've been outside of Kh0bar is Riy@dh, and we probably wouldnt have gone there if it wasnt for Izani. The only persian carpets I've been on are at other people's houses. The closest to a ruin that I got is the burnt down mall near Al-rahmaniyah center. The nearest thing to a local market I've been to is the mydin-like discount store Ramez. The only wiggly belly I'm looking at is mine.
Di manakah janji janji mu???

I can't blame Taufik for our failure to travel though. The first month we got here I got pregnant, so for 9 months, I wasnt fit to travel anyways. And now we've got to wait for Izani to get his passport before we can go anywhere.
But after Izani gets his passport, I want Taufik to fully utilize his vacation allowance!
I have a few ideas:
1. The Meditteranean Tour: Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, Turkey, Cyprus .. but now with the Israelis bombing Palestine (and maybe even Syria one of these days), I don't know how safe is that.
2. The European Drive, Warm countries: Macedonia, Greece, Italy, Spain, Portugal
3. The european Drive, Cold countries: Switzerland, France, Belgium, Germany, Denmark, Sweden, Norway
4. The Islamic Tour: Historical landmarks around Saudi
5. Short trips to: Qatar, Oman, Kuwait, U.A.E.

I think having an idea is a start. Now I can start researching and planning and see which ones are feasible.
I prefer to drive, coz then we're not constrained by schedules and waiting for other people. But travelling on our own might pose issues with the uncertainty of accomodation and food. I wish I had a friend in every country, whose living room floor we can sleep on. :)
Maybe I should wait for bloo to come back from Prague and ask her how she planned hers..

Untitled

Updated on Izani

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Yesterday:
a handful of frozen strawberries
half a cup of liquid whipping cream
3 tablespoons of sugar
a bit of water
whizz in blender.

Yummy.

Today:
Anis asks for chocolate cake.
I want to oblige.

*uwaaaaaaa* :(

Rice Porridge and Tofu in Soy Sauce

After much deliberation (pizza, maggi goreng, cereal, chocolate cake), we finally decided on bubur (rice porridge) for our lunch today.

clockwise from bottom: fried anchovies, fried potato dices, tofu in soy sauce, spoon. All on rice porridge.


Rice porridge

In a big pot, put in 1 cup of rice with at least 4 cups of water. Bring to a boil on high for 5 minutes, then reduce heat to medium. Let simmer till porridge thickens. Add more water if required. Porridge wont overcook, but might burn if the water is dried out, so watch out.

Fried anchovies and potatoes

Deep fry anchovies till crispy.
Dice potatoes, deep fry till cooked.

Tofu in Soy Sauce

1 box of extra firm tofu (or 2 pieces of tauhu)
1 clove garlic
2 cloves shallots
1 tablespoon of taucu (fermented soyabean, optional, but it tastes better)
3 tablespoons of sweet soy sauce
salt n pepper to taste

Dice tofu into bite sized pieces, deep fry or pan fry to toughen up the outer surface (this also makes the tofu hold on to the sauce better). Set aside.
In a pan, saute thinly sliced garlic and shallots in a bit of oil till fragrant. Add in the taucu and fry for a bit before adding a little bit of water (to avoid the garlic from burning).
Add in soy sauce, salt/pepper to taste, stir to incorporate.
Add in the fried tofu, stir gently as not to break them up.

Multi-tasking (i.e. While the porridge is boiling, cut and fry the tofu. While frying tofu, cut the potatoes and peel+slice the garlic+shallots. When tofu is done, fry the potatoes, then anchovies. While porridge simmering/thickening and potatoes or anchovies are frying, make the tofu in soy sauce), got our lunch ready within 45 minutes.
The kids havent tried the tofu yet, so I don't know if they like it, but it was pretty yummy to me :) it goes well with the porridge.

I think this would be a good dish for a weekend brunch ;)

movie wishlist

if you don't know yet, there are no movie theatres in KSA. That is one of the reasons why S@udis flock over to B@hrain once in awhile, coz over there they can catch the latest movies, even though they'd have to pay about SR20 for a ticket, on top of costs for travel, pop corn and other meals.
They have pirated VCD/DVDs over here, but they're usually them 4-in-1 thingies (where they cram 4 movies into one disc) and the picture quality is not that good (they're the kinds where you can see the audiences' heads in them). Some are even the russian version (where u see titles come out in Russian, not english). But that doesnt stop some people from buying them, because they don't have a choice.

So everytime someone goes home, i compile my wishlist:

Brokeback Mountain
The Constant gardener
Fun with Dick and Jane
Rock
Baik Punya Cilok
Rabun
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Hotel Rwanda
Big Fish
Walk The Line
Syriana
Capote
Munich
Mrs Henderson Presents
Memoirs of a Geisha
March of the penguins
The Squid and the Whale
Le Grand Voyage

Animated:
The Triplets of Belleville
Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Howl's moving castle

(I've actually watched Big Fish and The Triplets, but they're the kind of movies that i don't mind owning a copy of, so that i can watch it again)

So you think, do-able or not?
If i can get like, even 10% of my wishlist, I'd be a happy camper.

oh, no... I've caught the bug!

okay first it was Ben, then Ladyvisine, then YoursTruly, and now I've caught it!
(I bet if bloo isnt too caught up in her impending trip, she'd be doing this too!)(btw, I have not been able to call her 'boing')

What one word do you think describes me?
Leave it in the comments then copy and paste this into your blog so I can leave a one word comment about you.

go ahead, knock yourselves out.
or not.

busy day

woah .. today was kinda busy. I was out of the house almost the whole day.
I woke up really early in the morning to make pavlova again, but I don't know why it didnt turn out crunchy. The crust was kinda soft.. maybe I reduced the sugar too much?? but it was still too sweet for me, so how?
anyways.
9.45am I packed up baby's stuff and the stuff I wanted to send home to my mom via my friend Sharlee (who's going home to M'sia and I'm not) and we took the compound bus to Sharlee's house.
The kids was so happy to be able to visit their friends. They havent seen them since school closed 2 weeks ago.
The kids played upstairs while the mommies chatted and tried out clothes (Sharlee gave me some clothes that turned out to be too small for her). I felt like charity case, but hey it's free clothes and she seemed so sincere, and the clothes were nice so I agreed to accept a dress (which I can wear when I want to feel glamour glamour at home), a psychedelic long skirt and a really cool NafNaf shirt.
The thing is, I feel kinda close enough to Sharlee that I didnt mind that she even offered. It's almost sister-like coz me and my sisters steal share each other's clothes when we get the chance (and can fit into them) too.

Then we mommies watched Last Holiday which made us really hungry so we ordered ppizza and chicken wings and ate while watching. The kids finished up almost 2 large cheese pizzas with bbq wings while the mommies share one whole large extravaganzza pizza and spicy wings. *burp*. I think all the good food in the movie egged us on.
Then we ate my not-so-pavlova, then I wanted to go home coz I wanted to catch Starting Over, but the kids wanted to go swimming, so Sharlee brought them swimming while I stayed at her house coz Izani wanted to sleep but couldnt do it before coz the kids were so noisy.
I think he slept for like half an hour (and I also took a nap), then I finished off my own pavlova. Then I changed Izani coz he pooped. Then the kids came home at around 3pm. They showered and came downstairs to watch Hoodwinked while eating pop corn and Sharlee prepared dinner for her husband.
I figured the movie was gonna end at almost 5pm, so I called Taufik up asking if he could come and pick us up instead of me calling a cab.
So we ended up staying at Sharlee's till like 6pm or so.
I came home, warmed leftover pizza in the oven and made some creamy spaghetti to go with it.

and here I am.

Thankyou, Chef Herbert Sachse*

* In 1935, Chef Herbert Sachse of the Hotel Esplanade, Perth, Western Australia, created the pavlova to celebrate the visit of the great Russian ballerina, Anna Pavlova.
- taken from Dahran British Grammar School's International Cookbook

o. my. god.
I made pavlova today.
and it. was. SO. GOOD!

The first time I tasted this dessert was at Taufik's ex-boss's christmas party. I think his boss's wife put bananas on it.
The first time i saw it made was in n1gella laws0n's cooking show, and was amazed at how damn easy it was. I swore I would try to make it one day.

I cannot take credit for making this recipe easy peasy, because it is already so easy to make. I wanted to make a small pavlova, coz I didnt want to end up with too much leftover like I had with the chocolate cake, so I halved n1gella's recipe for passionfruit pavlova. (you can also look at what hers look like). I didnt have any passionfruit or any fresh fruits, for that matter, so I used sliced up canned peaches instead.
As I am typing this, Ihsan is eating the last quarter of the one I made, so I doubt I'm gonna get a chance to take a picture of it. Maybe next time, eh?

But because I want to torture you, I'll describe what it tasted like:
The pavlova itself had a crunchy outer crust, but the middle was fluffy and almost marshmallow like. Anis actually asked me whether it was a biscuit coz it was crunchy. The crust that melded with the whipped cream on top didnt become soggy, but addictively chewy. The oh so rich whipped cream topping balanced the sweetness of the pavlova and the peaches gave a nice fruity sweet-sour edge to the whole thing.
I was literally moaning oh my god oh my god with each bite i took. I think I sprained my eyeballs from rolling it around so much. It was *that* good.
I thought mine tasted too sweet though, so the next time I make it, I'll probably reduce the amount of sugar.

okay so the next time I make it, I'll try to take a picture before eating it (coz it does look very pretty) and I'll post the halved recipe here. (nigella's recipe makes an 8 to 9 inch pavlova, mine was only about 6 inches)

Colours of the desert

desert, not dessert.. so you guys can stop drooling, now.

These were taken during our trip to R1yadh. I found it amazing. Even though it was nothing but sand, we were still captivated by the view throughout the journey. The way the shape and colour of the sand dunes changed as we travelled along was enough to keep us in awe. Sometimes we could even see sand being blown off the tips of the dunes by the wind, against the blue sky.
There were also camels of every colour, white, brown, yellow, orange, even black, but cars (including ours) were moving too fast for us to capture a picture of them.

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Updated Izani's Blog.

sandwich chocolate cake

heh heh. This is a very very cheat recipe.

As I had said, I made 2 round 8-inch-in-diameter chocolate cake (from a cake mix in a box).
The first one I had put a sweet whipped cream frosting. I put a quarter of it in a tupperware, and on my daily weekly walk, I stopped by at Kak Liza's (the new melayu that just moved in to my compound) house and dropped it off, while I peeped in to see how she's getting along with unpacking her stuff.
Kak Liza had just moved from Om@n. Her husband and her are seasoned expats, having also lived in Edinburgh and Balik Papan (that's in Kalimantan, Indonesia), therefore they had accumulated quite an amount of stuff from their travels. about 130 boxes of it.
yes you can gasp, coz I did too.
it made my house feel SUPER SUPER SUPER bare.
But back to the chocolate cake, coz it makes me feel better than thinking about a bare house.

I still had one more chocolate cake to eat up.
So here's what I did:
. take a knife and cut along the diameter into two round pieces.
. in the mixing bowl, whip up whipping cream with 4 tablespoons of Milo + 1 tablespoon of sugar till stiff peaks form.
. spread the chocolate whip cream on to the bottom piece of the cake, then put the top piece back on.
. voila, a chocolate sandwich chocolate cake!

yum yum yummeh!! ... jangan marah...

"macam beli kat kedai!! " (it's just like the ones from the store) said Ihsan as he gobbled up 2 pieces, one after another.

Definitely will do this again next time.

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p/s I didnt tell you that I bought myself a hand-mixer. That's why I've been able to whip stuff up, without batting an eyelid (jangan harap kita nak whip guna tangan, babe!). I bought the hand mixer at the boys' school's Spring Fair. They had a booth selling items donated by parents and someone donated a blackndecker handmixer and it was selling for just 35riyals! woohooo!!!

Watch out for these recipes in the future:
no bake chocolate cheesecake (for bear+diah) and pavlova (thanx to nigella).

fat facts part 2

i think there's something about this house that wants me to be fat.
For the past few days I have been getting a whif of someone baking chocolate cake. In the middle of the night.
it drives me crayzee!

so yesterday I baked 2 chocolate cakes (coz the mix was for 2 eight inch round pans).
we had some for dessert after dinner.
this morning I whipped up some cream with a bit of sugar and my kids and I had chocolate cake with whipped cream frosting for breakfast.

how to kurus like this????

and I still have another cake sitting in the cool oven waiting to be eaten.

I think i'll bring it to my neighbour instead.

The fat fact.

updated on izani
aren't you guys like, sick of him yet?

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I believe I'm going to be fat.

You see, I've been breastfeeding while lying down.
Firstly, because Izani is getting to be really heavy. My arms get tired real fast when I breastfeed him while sitting up.To get a picture of how this feels like, try cradling a 5kg sack of rice in your arms for 20 minutes. See? And he's actually 6 kilos, not just 5 kilos.
If i lie down, I don't have to support his weight, only his head.
Secondly, usually he falls asleep after feeding. So rather than having to lift him up and put him on the bed and risk waking him up for another feed, I could just unlatch him and carefully remove my arm from under his head.

He's been feeding quite often nowadays. Sometimes I get 2 hours between feeds (that is if I give him the bottle), but most of the time, it's only 15 or 30 minutes, or an hour, tops. Sometimes I'd feed him, put him down, go the loo, and find out he wants another feed the moment I step out of the bathroom.
Sometimes I'd only have time to put something on the stove before one of the older kids (or all 3 of them all at the same time) would yell down "Bonda...!! The baby wants milk!!".
At least 3 times a day, I would just finish my breakfast or lunch or dinner and the baby wants milk, so I would have to lie down after a meal, which is a sure fire way of getting f.a.t.

And don't tell me that breastfeeding would help me lose the pregnancy weight, coz I don't believe you. I've been breastfeeding 3 kids, okay? and I'm still fat. Nina and TDB did not breastfeed their babies as much as I did, and they are reed thin. So I think it has nothing to do with breastfeeding at all.

And I've been lying about the daily walk.
It's not really "daily".
It's more like "only when I get the chance to cook dinner early". Which is only like .. urm.. twice a week or so.

And I don't know if doing housework is effective at making me lose weight either. Especially when I do it halfway and have to stop to breastfeed every now and then. (it also does not help that i spend most of my free time on my a** in front of the computer... heh heh).

Let's just face it.
I'm gonna be fat.

The Battle of the Bedrooms

updated izani's blog.

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After 2 days of Ilham going back on his promise that if he plays with the PS2 he will sleep on his own, the day before his excuse was that the leaky tap was noisy and kept him awake (therefore he has to sleep in our room). So yesterday I got the tap fixed. When he still did not want to sleep in his own bed last night, it was the last straw. I firmly (read: raised my voice) told Ilham that he has run out of excuses. I pulled their comforters and chased them out of my room into theirs.
I ordered them to get into bed and pull the comforters up to their chin and to go to sleep. I asked them whether they wanted the lights on or off (Ihsan wanted it on), the door opened or closed (Ilham wanted it open). Ilham whimpered please please but I stood firm and said goodnight.

A few minutes later I heard a soft knock on our bedroom door.
"Ayah?" Ilham called softly.
"Yes Ilham... I am here, go back to sleep" Taufik answered
"Ayah.. you're a kind man.. please let me sleep with you" Ilham pleaded.
I sternly told Taufik not to cave in. To say nothing else and let me handle it.
I marched to the door and opened it.
I stood with my hands on my hips and glared "Hah! Apa lagi?? kenapa tak tidor lagi??" (What else do you want? Why aren't you asleep yet?)

"But Bonda, I love you.. I want to be near you" Ilham tried to explain while I poked and pushed them back to their room.
"Ilham," I started, "You're a big boy now. You promised me that you would start sleeping in your room when the holiday started. But you broke that promise. Then you promised me that if you played PS2, you would sleep in your own room. You broke that promise too. Then you said the leaky tap was the reason, but I fixed the tap, and still you wont sleep in your room. I am really dissapointed, you know? and I am really angry that you broke your promises. Now tell me the truth, what is the problem? So that we can fix it and you can sleep in your room. Bottom line, I want you to sleep in your own room".
"I don't like my room" he said.
"Why. Why don't you like your room? Coz it's messy? You made the mess. Tomorrow you clean it up. tonight you're still sleeping in it." I argued.
Ilham was at a loss for a moment, while Ihsan sat on one corner of the bed, smiling his sheepish smile. Ihsan didnt seem to have a problem. He sleeps anywhere his brother sleeps.

"Are you afraid that we wont love you anymore if you're not sleeping with us?" I finally offered.
"Urm.. yes" Ilham said reluctantly.
"Ilham, I don't sleep with nenek, does it mean I dont love her, or nenek doesnt love me? I still love her, but I'm a big girl, so I do not need to sleep with nenek anymore. I still know that she loves me even if we are not near each other." I half-explained-half-nagged.
"But I am a special boy, I need to be near my parents" Ilham made another excuse.
"Because you are a special boy, I think you are strong and brave enough to sleep on your own. I want you to be independent. We would be so proud of you if you could sleep on your own. I know you can do it. You just have to try" I said.
He looked at me with tears slowly drying from his eyes.
"So, if I sleep in my own room, it will make you happy?" he finally said.
"Yes, it will make me happy and proud" I said.
"Okay. I will try" he said.
wahhh so easy ah?? why didnt I think of this earlier?

So we said our goodnights and I love yous and we hugged and I tucked him into bed.
After much lecturing, threatening, begging, cajoling, negotiating, explaining and nagging, it finally took a good scolding and forcing to make them really do it.
We woke up this morning and they were still in their own bed.
Taufik decided to write Ilham a little note before he went off to work:

"Dear Ilham,
Congratulations! You made it. You slept in your room. We are so proud of you. I love you too.
Love,
Ayah"

I gave Ilham the note when he woke up and told him what a good job he did.
I heard him singing "Ilham is the bravest and best boy" in the shower this morning.

;)

I hope I'm not jinxing it by writing this.

the REAL domestic goddess

I was surfing for no-bake cheesecake recipes coz the one I tried to create on my own turned out to be too cheesy (not enough sugar) and too soft and I discovered her: The REAL domestic goddess.
Her site made me feel really hungry and ...urm... amateurish. *shame*

I am sure ben would be pleased to find out that she's canadian. ;)

Easy Peasy Summer Coolers

I have updated on Izani's latest progress.
I'm amazed that you guys arent bored yet.

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It's starting to get really hot here, the temperatures hovering between 37 to 45 degrees Celcius. So I had lotsa excuses to eat ice cream and make smoothies.

Peaches are starting to be in season, so I bought a few the other day and made Peach Almond Crumble. I followed the same recipe for Strawberry Almond Crumble, but since I was using a smaller baking pan, I halved the topping recipe (an added crushed peanuts, coz I had some lying around). Ate the Peach Crumble with a dollop of Vanilla Ice-cream before and after going on our daily walk. ;)



Top, Left: fresh peaches, Right: cut up and mixed with sugar
Bottom, Left: The whole concoction, Right: Served with vanilla ice cream

I also had an extra bag of frozen strawberries from when I made the Strawberry Almond Crumble, so I decided to make strawberry smoothies.
The first one I made turned out almost like a sorbet coz I added only a little bit of water (and sugar, of course). The next one I followed Ilham's suggestion to add some milk and it turned out into a delicious smoothie!

Easy Peasy Strawberry Smoothies

2 handfuls of frozen strawberries (Only defrost for a few minutes at room temp, dont let it go soggy)
water or milk (I used about a quarter to half a cup.. i didnt really measure. Use less to make thicker smoothies)
2 tablespoons of sugar (Adjust to your liking)

Put everything into your blender, smooth using pulse mode. Pour into glasses. Enjoy!

The Sorbet and The Smoothie

Anis thoroughly enjoying a cooling treat

We had to drink/eat ours with a spoon coz they were so thick.

the ps2 plan ...

... BACKFIRED!!!!

Last night before bed i reminded the boys that they were supposed to sleep in their room, since the played with the ps2.
Ilham said "okay, i wont play with it anymore"
"are you sure??" i ask incredulously.
"I can live without it" he said, though not so convincingly.
i looked at Ihsan, "how about you ihsan?"
Ihsan just smiled sheepishly.

i said okay and let them sleep in my room. While they were asleep and I was waiting for The Apprentice, i unplugged the dang thing and stored it in an undisclosed location.
I spent the commercial breaks thinking about how to get the boys to sleep in their own room now that I dont have the PS2 bargaining chip anymore..

So this morning I lovingly told Ilham why he needs to sleep in his own room, that he's a grown up, he needs to learn to be independent, that it does not meen I love him any less, it may even mean i love him even more.
He was like, "uh, okay..", I wasnt sure whether he really comprehended.

After breakfast they came upstairs and realized that the PS2 was really gone.
They came to me pleading "please please please I wll sleep in my own room tonight" and I said they'd have to prove they'd sleep in their room before they could get to play with the PS2.
More pleading and promises and excuses ("It's Ayah, he's the one who wants to play!") later, Taufik got fed up of them bugging him to ask me to take out the PS2, and asked them to promise promise promise they'd sleep in their room from now on and they said they promise promise promise.
So i told them the general location of the PS2 and made them go on a treasure hunt of some sort.
They found it within a minute.
kalau mintak tolong ambik blanket adik, duduk depan mata pun tak jumpa..

So they're now playing with the PS2.
If they don't sleep in their room tonight, I swear, they're gonna get an earful from me!

First day of holiday

Today is the first day of holiday for the boys.
It's actually the last day of school, but since the other two boys from our compound who goes to the same school did not want to go to school, we thought that it'd be better if our boys didnt go to school as well, coz then then bus wont have to waste time and fuel to send and pick up only 2 boys. Plus today was a half-day, class ends at 11:30am today.

Ihsan woke up at 6:30am as usual and the first thing he did was turn on the TV. I heard Taufik woke up to talk to Ihsan and the next thing I heard was the theme song for Sonic Heroes.. he had set-up the PS2.
I told Taufik to have Ihsan brush his teeth, shower and have breakfast first before he plays anything, and he obliged.
Ilham then woke up, and I gave him the same instructions. No PS2 until he has brushed his teeth, showered and had his breakfast.
They know not to mess with me, coz I have clearly warned them yesterday that I will not hesitate to take away the PS2 if they misbehave..
heh heh..
I decided to add another rule this morning, when I was tidying up my bedroom.
I told Ilham that in exchange for them getting to play PS2, they'd have to sleep in their own room.
heh heh
am i cruel?
ah... what the heck, I dont care if I sound cruel.. I'd do anything to get them sleep in their own room. Right now I have the PS2 card to bargain with, dammit, I'll use it.
At around 10am they had a chat with their cousins Adam, Aiysha and Aliya (mokciknab's kids), and I put izani to sleep and then went to do dishes and prepare for lunch and dinner. About an hour later I heard the TV so I had to come upstairs and show Ilham how to give a proper goodbye to Adam, coz he just left Adam hanging online..

It's kinda good to have the kids around, at least they can look after Izani while I prepare lunch.
By popular request, I made porridge today, and since I had some leftover ayam masak kicap (chicken in soysauce), I also made cashew chicken.. yum yum.

I only remembered to take a picture after I've taken a few bites...


I still have to draw up a schedule for the kids.. this time I want to add a session for Quran lessons (tajweed and hafazan) (I am more confident to teach them now, since I've had lessons myself), and proper times for solat (I didnt put that in the last time, but encouraged them to join me when I performed mine, which I performed.. urm.. anytime I please.. *shame*).
I think it's gonna be tougher on me this time around coz I have izani around.. we might have to do a lot of ad-hoc re-scheduling since my time revolves around Izani nowadays..
I'm still gonna have them do reading, arts&crafts and cooking sessions though. And I also have to squeeze in some time for bonda to blog.. (I also need some 'me' time what.....???)

Any other tips or suggestions?
Wish me luck!

DBGS Summer Concerts

okay I didnt post this earlier coz I thought the pictures were terrible.
But then I heard what happened to lollies at her son's concert, and thought maybe I could make her feel better.

Ihsan and Ilham had their Summer Concert on the 4th and 8th of June respectively. We came early for both concerts because we came with Izani and wanted a spot where we could park the stroller and not be in people's way. Plus, we wanted to get strategic seats so that we could take pictures.
Unfortunately there were other parents who are more kiasu than us, who had arrived waaaay much earlier and had taken the front seats. So we still ended up sitting behind people.
In each of the concerts, our child's stage time was maybe about only 5 minutes. For Ihsan's concert, which was held early in the morning, we stayed for the whole thing because it was comfortable enough to do so and also because kids between the ages of 4 to 7 are so cute to watch! For Ilham's concert, however, we waited till it was Ilham's class' turn and we left right after coz they held it at 1pm (it was hot hot hot) and the older kids were not that much fun to watch anyways.
Since there were so many people, the pictures that we managed to capture weren't really of boasting quality..


Ihsan's class sang 3 songs, with actions which were so cute. "Little Red Caboose" had a little train action going. "On a Log" had them imitating a frog, a snake, a bee and a goat. Then they did a little hand jive thingy with "Knick-Knack Paddywack".
Ihsan gave a shy smile when he saw us, and I couldnt hear his voice in spite of us reminding him to open up his mouth as wide as he could and sing as loud as he could during breakfast that morning.


Ilham's class sang 2 songs. The first one was "Ebeneezer Sneezer", which was kinda funny and Ilham had a hard time pronouncing Ebeneezer Sneezer so everytime the chorus came, he kept trailing behind. The second song was "There's a Little Wheel that's turning in my heart", which was such a cute song and Ilham sang so loud that we instantly picked up his voice. We were so proud of him because the last time he sang on stage, we couldnt hear him at all.

From attending the kids' concerts in the past year, what I picked up was that they sing the songs that they had learnt in Music class throughout the term, so basically they're singing songs that I had heard them sing in the shower several times before. It's nothing new, it's just a way for them to show parents what they have managed to learn so far.
I have also learnt that concert pictures are never ever clear. They're always blurry and your kid's face is but a tiny speck in a crowd of faces.

So Lollies, don't feel bad.. you can ask Haziq to give you a private concert at home..! :)

*knock knock*

*knock knock*

helllloooooo......
anybody home?

Memoirs of a Geisha

Before I start, just wanted to announce that I have updated Izani's blog with the latest post: Sibling Smooches.

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I borrowed this book from Sharlee, and read it while breastfeeding Izani. It took me about a week to finish reading it.

I thought the book was beautifully written. The language used is simple and not too bombastic, and I like the way it sounded like a woman was telling the story.
I absolutely loved the descriptions of the sceneries, the smells and sounds of the okiya and the teahouses, and of course the kimonos.. oh the kimonos..! It made me want to own one!
The story was quite intriguing. I kept on reading, wanting to know what happens to Chiyo/Sayuri next. I thought the author fleshed out his characters well. Chiyo was not potrayed as a simple, good girl, victim character, but she also had a stubborn and mean streak in her. I did however, grew tired with her obsession with The Chairman, and thought the ending was too common, like the ones you would find in every Mills&Boons book. I felt sorta cheated, like the book was actually really a Mills&Boons disguising itself underneath all the silk and cherry blossoms and complicated Japanese traditions.
I also found some of the things that geisha's go through quite appaling, especially about mizuage, selling a little girl's virginity to the highest bidder (it's borderline paed0philia!) and then danna, selling a woman's physical loyalty, also to the highest bidder. Just because all these are glamorized by the donning of expensive kimonos, hairdos, make-ups and strict procedures, the world considers it 'cultured', but the covering of a woman's hair using a simple veil is considered 'oppresive'. What double standards!

After reading this book, I found myself trying to do things more elegantly , imagining myself wearing a kimono and serving my husband in a teahouse.
The other day I had to put on my batik sarong because Izani peed on my last pair of clean pants and I found myself admiring the bold colorful prints and felt kinda .. hm.. feminine in it, almost like a geisha. And I subconciously try to walk and talk more softly and gently..
damn.. this book is evil, i tell you.

I'm want to watch the movie, just to see the splendid images.
rotidua: cue for u and firhad to look for this DVD.

Easy Peasy Strawberry Almond Crumble

The original recipe I followed was for Apple&Blackberry Crumble, which I got from thecookbook that the boys' school's Parent Volunteer Group compiled (and I contributed 2 recipes to) and sold.

I don't really like apples and I couldnt find blackberries so I decided to use strawberries instead. There weren't any fresh ones (Plus fresh ones are a bit expensive) so I used frozen ones instead (only SR5.20 per kilo).
I also didnt want a plain crumble topping, so I decided to add some almonds into the topping to give it a bit of an edge.

Easy Peasy Strawberry Almond Crumble

500g fresh strawberries sliced or cut into small pieces(or any kinds of berries/fruits you like, I used 1kg of frozen strawberries, reduced to 500g after defrosting*)
100g castor sugar

150g flour (i used plain white, self raising flour)
100g finely ground almonds (either buy them ready ground ones or just put some almonds thru your spice mill)
half teaspoon baking powder
100g unsalted butter
100g brown sugar
a handful of roughly chopped almonds (optional)

Pre-heat your oven to 375deg Farenhite.
For filling: Mix the strawberries with castor sugar thoroughly. Taste and add more sugar if necessary (coz some strawberries are more sour than others). Spoon into a 1.7L baking dish.
For crumble topping: Mix flour, ground almonds and baking powder thoroughly in a huge bowl. Rub in butter (with your fingers) to form fine breadcrumb-like mix. Carefully stir in brown sugar and chopped almonds.
Sprinkle crumble topping over the filling till it is completely covered.
Bake for 30-40 minutes till the top is golden brown. Set aside to cool before serving.

* Note: Since I used frozen strawberries, I had to defrost them first and they turned out to be quite soggy. In an attempt to reduce the sogginess, I decided to cook the filling over medium heat. When that didnt work too well, I added 2 teaspoons of corn flour to thicken it. It turned out okay. If you use fresh fruit, you do not need to cook them first. I think at least it'd retain its 'crunchiness'

This was served on its own or with a choice of vanilla ice-cream or whipped cream. YUMMEH!
The topping was nutty and crunchy and crumbly and buttery with just a slight sweetness, while the filling was fruity sweet and tangy and really soft.



Happy trying!

busy busy bee

okay I can't write much today coz I've got lotsa things to do.

1. I just updated Izani's blog: "Grandad Loves Me"
2. I have to cook lunch coz Taufik's coming home for lunch. I made kari telur yesterday, so today I'm gonna use the leftover gravy to make mee kari.
3. Taufik is coming home for lunch because right after lunch we're gonna go to the school to watch Ilham's summer concert.
4. Tonight I have a dinner invitation at Shalee's, and I'm in charge of dessert. I'm gonna try my hand at making strawberry almond crumble. sounds yummy? I hope so. if it works well, you know I will post pictures and recipes..

tomorrow is the weekend, I dont know whether I'll be able to blog, so see you whenever I see you :)

what did I do to deserve my kids?

I have been so blessed.. Masya-Allah, Alhamdulillah

I was watching Starting Over while breastfeeding Izani a few days ago when Anis came to me excitedly.
"Bonda, Bonda, come see what I did!" pointing towards the children's bedroom (which they dont sleep in, but has all the 3 kids' stuff in it).
I asked her to wait till izani has finished breastfeeding and she patiently said okay.
When the show was over, I put izani to bed and walked to the children's bedroom, expecting to see a sculpture, or a stack of books (coz Anis loves stacking stuff up), or a completed jugsaw puzzle (the only one we have and therefore the one she always plays with) or maybe a drawing on the computer or something.
To my suprise, she showed me a clean room.
I mean, a really clean room.
There were no clothes on the floor. The towels all neatly hung on the towel rack. The boxes and books neatly stacked on the desk. There wasnt a thing on the carpet of the whole room.
I screamed in delight "Oh thankyou so much, Anis!! That was so nice of you!!"
You should've seen the look of pride on her face when I kissed her.
and for the next few days, that was all I would hear about. How she cleaned the room all by herself.

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Yesterday I was bit stressed out coz Izani didnt want to take a nap and all he wanted was someone to hold him all the time. It was Monday and that usually means I have to get dinner ready early coz Taufik had tajweed classes at 7:30pm. Furthermore Tajweed classes means I have to make something and I had wanted to make creme caramel. On top of that, there was a stack of dishes sitting in the sink since morning.
So I was like going back and fourth between the kitchen and the bedroom, doing stuff halfway, having to turn off the stove everytime I had to go see what Izani wants, and finally I brought Izani downstairs and put him in the carseat in the kitchen while I cook.
Izani still wouldnt settle down and the boys came back from playing in the park and Ihsan wanted to learn to rollerblade using his dad's rollerblades, which was of course to big for him and got me all agitated coz I started imagining him falling down and twisting his ankle. and my goreng pisang was burnt black!!
Somehow it got too much that I made the boys go upstairs watch TV and I sat at the kitchen table with Izani over my shoulder and I cried.
The phone rang and I heard Ilham pick up. From the way he talked, I figured he was talking to his dad.
After he put down the phone he came downstairs to the kitchen. The moment he saw me in tears, he stopped in his tracks.
He then proceeded cautiously and said "Um.. Bonda.."
I said "yes..."
He looked kinda nervous when he said "Um.. Bonda.. Ayah said his arabic class is cancelled today, so we can eat whatever you've made"
I said "okay".
Ilham sat down and looked at me quietly for a while.
"Bonda, what's wrong?" he finally asked.
"Nothing," I said, "I'm just tired".
"Oh" he said and twiddled his fingers.
I sniffled a bit and patted Izani who was finally going to sleep.
We sat in silence for a while.
Then suddenly Ilham decided to get up, walk to the sink and wash the dishes.
I put Izani back in the carseat, continued frying goreng pisang, checked on my creme caramel in the oven, then marinated the chicken for dinner.
I gave Ilham a hug and said "Thankyou so much, sayang" when he was done with the dishes.

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Ihsan helps with arranging the shoes at our front door, but there's no interesting way to tell that story, so I'll tell another one about him.

We were having dinner and discussing about how everyone's day went. Taufik asked Ihsan what he did for Show and Tell and Ihsan said he showed a picture of Taufik and I when we were in Chicago. (it's a picture of Taufik and I on the shores of Lake Michigan with the Chicago skyline behind us)
Ihsan said
"I said, This is my father and mother.
Mrs. Snieder asked, where were they?
and I said they were in Chicago.
Mrs Snieder asked where is Chicago and I said I dont know
then everybody said where Chicago is (meaning everybody started guessing where Chicago is)
then Mrs Snieder said it is in Americ@.
Then I said my father did not meet Oprah when he was in Chicago
and Mrs Snieder laughed."

We had a good laugh about that.

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I should remember this when I'm nagging and screaming at them.

I believe I can fly

Last night I had the most exhilarating dream.
I dont know about other people, but I have this ability to tell myself I'm dreaming. Sometimes I can even detect a dream within a dream, like you're dreaming that you're asleep and dreaming another dream.
Last night I was fading in and out of wakefulness because I was coughing and also breastfeeding Izani on and off.
But at one point in the night, I dreamt that I was dreaming and at first I was chased by some evil guy who was shooting at me and I was running away in a box-cart (don't ask me why) and I was watching the road turn from asphalt to gravel to dirt to grass then back to asphalt to gravel to dirt to grass.. like the revolving background of a cartoon where the animators were too lazy to bother with details or think the audience won't notice.
I think I got shot or something coz suddenly everything stopped and I was looking at this serene lake with white cranes on it and the cranes started to fly off into the sky and as they did, i felt my soul soar with them.
And I mean i felt it really soar, like something tugging at my chest and sucking the air out of my lungs and throat. and I remember in my dream telling my sleeping self to clutch at my chest and my dream sleeping self did, but I don't know whether I really did.
Anyways, so I started soaring and flying over the trees and houses and I could see streets and rooftops and playgrounds and hills (funnily enough, it looked like PJ). And I remember feeling so elated and exhilirated that I thought hey i've got to remember this and write about it.
But i thought I needed proof (that it realy happened, coz I actually believed my soul was flying) so i reached out my hand at a passing tree and grabbed one of it's tender twigs. It tugged back at first, but then it soon released itself from the rest of the tree and I could smell the bitter sap and notice it had tiny white flowers and oval shaped leaves on them.
I braced myself for a sharp fall, but amazingly i didnt fall sharply. I sorta landed in a swoop, almost like a bird, into a wooden house, in which I woke up, with no twig in hand and a small kid (Anis) tugging at my arm asking me to bring her somewhere.
We were crossing the street when I told myself I should look at the signs to identify where I was so that I'd know it if I saw it again (coz, like i said, I really belive my soul was travelling) and I saw this sign: "SMK Pendang", and I actually said it outloud to Anis, "Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Pendang?", as we zig zagged through park cars.
Then I can't remember what happened in the dream.

Next time I come home and we drive back to Alor Setar, I'll ask Taufik to drive me to Pendang.

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In other news, this morning I bopped about the room to Pearl jam's World Wide Suicide with Izani on my shoulder, and he seemed to like it :)

Fishy cooking

For a change, this is not a true culinary jam post.
Meaning, I won't be the one giving out recipes and cooking tips.
(I am not a true goddess after all.. but I am still a goddess.. a fake one, but still a goddess!!)
(by the way, this reminds me of the start of Neil G@iman's Americ@n G0ds .. if you've read it, you'd know what I mean.. that goddess that swallows guys through her .. you know what)

I digress.

Yesterday Taufik bought a few huge ikan kembung (fish. don't know what it's called in english. nice fish.). I deep fried 2 yesterday (garam kunyit, seasoned with salt and tumeric), so today I decided to do something different, something that I've never tried before but like very much.
I decided to make ikan belah belakang (slice the back of the fish and stuff it with paste made of ground shallots+chillies+tamarind juice), because the fish is big enough for this method.
I seasoned the outside of the fish with salt and turmeric, and decided to deep fry it, coz I read in one of the recipes on the net that I could deep fry it.
Bad Idea.
The paste started falling out of the fish, and got fried in the hot oil. It later burnt and turned the oil and my fish black. and my kitchen smells too.
In the end I didnt have enough of the paste to go with my fish. I think I didnt make the slit at the back deep enough as well. Coz only the top half of the fish were flavoured with the paste, the bottom half remained quite bland.
It was still yummy though, by my standards.

So my question(s) to you, my dear readers, is(are):
1. How deep should the slit be? I don't want to accidently filet the fish..
2. How do I keep the paste from spilling out while I deep fry it?
3. I don't have a grill, can I pan fry it with just a little bit of oil? Will that work?
4. How else can I cook it? Can I wrap it in foil and chuck it in the oven? (Temperature? for how long?) (No banana leaves, please. They're damn expensive over here) and how do I avoid it from getting watery (coz the steam gets trapped in the foil).

Appreciate your suggestions!
If your tip works, I promise to take pictures and post the successful result here!

Why so short?

Coz I'm sick... :(

I have a horrible throat infection. Which made it difficult for me to sleep last night. I went to see my gynae and she checked it out, and prescribed me antibiotics and this horrid brown liquid to gargle with.

I had just updated on Izani's Progress.
and since many people have been asking me when I'm going to come home, I'll write a bit about that as well.

Okay, the situation is this:

1. We just applied for Izani's passport 2 weeks ago (was it 2 weeks? or 3? nevermind). It usually takes 3 months for his passport to be ready. After we get the baby's passport, we need to include him into Taufik's iqama (work permit). Only after the baby is included in the work permit can we apply for a multiple entry visa for him. So till he gets his passport, I will not be able to go aaanywhere. Not even to Bahr@in. Do u think we'll get everything ready by July? You do the math.

2. We booked tickets for a flight home on July 22nd. That booking has been confirmed, but the flight back to Bahr@in has not been confirmed. Summer is like the peak season for travelling in the Ar@b countries, and as both S@udis and M@laysians will attest, these people will flock KLCC, Sunw@y Lagoon, Langk@wi, Pen@ng and Melak@ during the summer holidays. Do u think we'll get flight tickets? We doubt it.

3. They just announced an increase in flight tarrifs. bummer. Put that on top of it being peak travelling season, double bummer. A friend who wanted to holiday in scotland discovered that it was cheaper to fly from KLIA to Glasgow than from B@hrain to Glasgow, even though she's already halfway there in terms of distance.

So I think it is safe to say that we won't be able to go home till december.
*sigh*
Once Izani gets his passport however, we might take a short vacation somewhere somewhere.. Maybe even drive to Q@tar, since gas only costs 60 halallas(cents) per litre. Boleh tak, Lollies?