Saturday, August 28, 2004

too busy

man, i never thought I'd say this.
I'm too busy to write a decent entry.
Been working since 8:30am
and I mean, really working. on a saturday!!! *pokes pen into eyeball*
it's now 5:50pm.
my mom's waiting for 2 bags of sugar and some roast chicken for tonight's birthday party.
so gotta go.
I miss my kids.
and my husband.
I wont even look at my computer.
I swear.


Friday, August 27, 2004

Thoughts Unspoken

She knocks on the hospital room door while turning the knob with her other hand and opening it.
"Hello ...?" she enters, cautiously.
She peers behind the curtain and enounters a semi-recognizable person in the bed, who had turned her attention from the small tv she was watching.
"Hey..!" the patient says when she saw the visitor. Eventhough it was weaker than her natural voice, the visitor recognizes the suprised but delighted inflect in the reply.
"Hey..!" the visitor replied, beaming, throwing her arms wide and heading towards the frail figure in bed.
They hug.
The visitor could feel the patient's shoulder bone, pushing sharply against her own fleshy arms.
"So, how are you? " she asks, "what happened?" as she looked around the room and takes in the drip, the small tv, the half-empty fruit basket, the stack of books, Cleo and Marie Claire, a discman on the side table.
"Oh same ol same ol" the patient said. " I couldnt eat and then I had a fever so the doctor asked me to be warded so that they can at least feed me intravenously. "
"But Wal said you were getting better and had developed a craving for Skittles, which I had bought some by the way, tada...!" She took out 4 packets of skittles out of the plastic bag she brought and displayed it to her friend like it was the grand prize in Wheel of Fortune.
The patient laughed "I probably could only eat it when I get out of here"
"which will be soon" the visitor was quick to add and reaches into her bag again.
"In the meantime, you can read this: I thought you might like some Grisham, and if not, here's some Danielle Steel for you." She stacked the books on top of the others.
"How are your kids? They didn't come along?" the patient asked, while trying to sit up higher.
"Urgh" the visitor shook her head "They wanted to go to the park, so my husband took them there while I'm here. He'll come and pick me up later, when they're done". She had found a chair to sit on and now faced the small television. It was screening a music award show.
"oh. Did you watch survivor last night? Oh my god!! I'm starting to get tired of watching Colby win everything! Last night he won a trip to scuba dive with that big haired girl"
"Oh I know! but did you notice how she was like all goo-goo eyed with Colby?"
"And then all green-eyed when Colby came back with presents for everyone and she didnt"
"what was she complaining about anyway? Just coz *she* didnt think of it, doesnt mean that Colby's bad coz he did"
" I hope big hair or colby gets voted out soon"
"so you're not rooting for colby anymore?"
"I dunno... he's really strong. But i'm hoping a girl will win this time. I dunno.. maybe Tina?"

She looks at her friend's face and remembers a time when it used to be rounded and plump. Her hair used to be so straight and shiny. Now her friend is gaunt, and her hair is just limp and thinning.

"Oh, I like this song. Hasnt he got a great voice?" The patient points to the TV.
"Nasyid??" she creases her forehead, "You? Mrs Wyclef Jean? Listens to nasyid now?" and giggles.
"No. Listen.. this guy's got the best voice I've ever heard"
They listen.
"Yeah, maybe you're right.. he's got quite a good voice. Hey, remember the time when they had that inter-dorm nasyid competition and you guys forced me to sing lead and I was so nervous my voice practically cracked? ha ha"
"Ha ha! I winced! no wonder we lost the competition"
"you're nasty" she poked her friend's thigh. and hit bone.
"ouch!" the girl in bed said jokingly
She was half alarmed. "Eh, sorry.. anyways, talking about our dorm.. I met Ona last week and guess what, she has bought a bungalow facing a golf course.."
"Damn.. banyak nya duit dia.. [she has a lot of money] "
"Hello.. she lives in Kulim, her cost of living is prolly half of ours.. it's no wonder that she could afford a bungalow. With what I paid for my apartment, I could prolly buy a bungalow in Kulim"
"i just bought an apartment"
"What?? When?? Where??"
"2 weeks ago.. i just felt like it. went to see the show-house, liked it, paid the deposit and made a loan."
"On that road leading to the airport"
"Cool!! Then u can come to my house more often. woo hooo!!"
"when i get out of here, I'll definitely visit you more often. It's just that I've been so busy and sick and all.."
"Does wal know abt the apartment?"
"Of course! he came with me"
"You mean you bought it together?" the visitor was visibly excited with this prospect.
"No, *I* bought it.. he just helped me with the agreements and loans and stuff"
"Where is he anyway?"
"He just left about an hour before u got here. He's got some family thing.."
"Oh.. so how are you and him getting along?"
"Okay i guess.. but sometimes I feel like he's wasting his time with me.. I mean, I'm sick all the time, and we don't get to go out anymore.."
"Oh come on.. don't be like that.. he's a nice guy. I know him. he's my best friend, afterall. From what I hear, he's pretty much sticking with you all the way"
"hey when you get out of here, let's the four of us go out and catch a movie , just like old times."

A handphone rings
"Mine""Yours" they said.
"Hello? uh hm.. okay. I'll be down in a few minutes. mkay, bye!"
The visitor closes her clamshell phone and looks at her friend.
"Your husband?" the patient asked, slightly dissapointed.
"yeah.." the visitor sighed. "Uhmm so.. when do u think u'll get to go home?"
"Gosh I really don't know" the patient brushes the back of her bony hand on her forehead. "I'll call you when I do. We'll go out.. yum char or somewhere"
"Or you can come to my apartment. You've never been there yet" She clasps her hand together, almost like praying.
"yeah, we'll see how it goes" the patient tries to smile.
"okay. promise you'll call" the visitor starts to gather her things.
"promise" The patients looks around , just to make sure her friend didn't leave behind anything.

"okay, well, see ya. Get well soon, okay?" She gave her friend one final hug before she leaves.
The patient rubs the visitors back while they hug. "Thanx for coming. oh and for the skittles. and the books"
"no problem. If u ever need anything else.." The visitor stood at the end of the bed, holding the curtains with one hand, and made a phone gesture with the other.
"Bye" they wave at each other and the visitor leaves the room.

She walks down the hall and feels her chest starting to hurt.
oh god you look so sick i almost didnt recognize you
A pain that slowly reaches her throat.
are you going to get better?
Soon her chin starts to quiver.
I want you to get better. I don't think i can face the other fact
When she got down to the lobby, her eyes began to sting.
I dont want to lose you
She managed a smile when she saw her husband waiting for her in the car, with the kids sitting in the back seat, hair all matted with sweat, cheeks pink with adrenaline.
She sat on the passenger seat and looks at her husband.
"Hi" she managed. She turned to those in the back seat and asked in her best happy voice "Did u guys have fun?"
A resounding Yessss came from the motley crew.
"How is she?" her husband asked.
She couldnt answer.
She was covering her face and crying.
I love you

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Animal Love

Read in the papers two days ago, about a man in Hong Kong who killed his girlfriend so that he can steal her money, pawn off her phone and jewellery to pay off his gambling debt.
A few columns below it was a story about a female komodo dragon that died after falling off from the wall she was scaling. She was trying to reach her mate, who was caged on the top of that wall.

Sometimes it makes me wonder how a human can act so beastly and violently, while a beastly non-human can act so lovingly.

If you're gonna learn anything from this post, learn this:
1. Gambling corrupts your mind and can make you commit unthinkable acts.
2. Even violent animals know the value of love.
3. Perverts who came here to read about sex with animals or animals having sex will be deeply dissapointed. hah ha!

That's my jam offering for today.
Warning: May leave an aftertaste after consumption.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Radio Anis

Mood: happy tra la la Playing: tintle tintle tittle tar by Anis

Logged on today and noticed an ad for launch cast on yahoo that listed 'Adult Alternative' as one of the stations they are offering.
Is there a station for 'Childish Alternative'?
I bet Anis could launch her own radio station, coz she likes to sing so much and she's singing all the time. I'd probably call it 'Radio Anis' or 'Toddler Tunes'.

Some of the songs she'd offer would be..

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
tintle tintle tittle tar
how ha ha der ha hu ha
hap aba her wer ho hai
hike her hymen hee her high
tintle tintle tittle tar
how ha ha der ha hu ha
*yay* (it is compulsary to cheer and clap after the ending)

One, two buckle my shoe
han tu , hak hak shoo
tee for, hak hak door
(repeat till you fall asleep)

Old McDonald Has A Farm
o nek nonald ai yo yo
eyaieyai yo
(repeat till your mom screams "aiyoyo !!!")

Salsabiila (a malay song)
Tata beee lah
tata (pause) beee lah !
(repeat, while jumping around and making pom-pom shaking gestures with your hands)

I think she has the potential to topple The Wiggles.

Would you tune to this station?
My tuner is broken. It's stuck there.

Radio Anis

Mood: happy tra la la Playing: tintle tintle tittle tar by Anis

Logged on today and noticed an ad for launch cast on yahoo that listed 'Adult Alternative' as one of the stations they are offering.
Is there a station for 'Childish Alternative'?
I bet Anis could launch her own radio station, coz she likes to sing so much and she's singing all the time. I'd probably call it 'Radio Anis' or 'Toddler Tunes'.

Some of the songs she'd offer would be..

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
tintle tintle tittle tar
how ha ha der ha hu ha
hap aba her wer ho hai
hike her hymen hee her high
tintle tintle tittle tar
how ha ha der ha hu ha
*yay* (it is compulsary to cheer and clap after the ending)

One, two buckle my shoe
han tu , hak hak shoo
tee for, hak hak door
(repeat till you fall asleep)

Old McDonald Has A Farm
o nek nonald ai yo yo
eyaieyai yo
(repeat till your mom screams "aiyoyo !!!")

Salsabiila (a malay song)
Tata beee lah
tata (pause) beee lah !
(repeat, while jumping around and making pom-pom shaking gestures with your hands)

I think she has the potential to topple The Wiggles.

Would you tune to this station?
My tuner is broken. It's stuck there.

My Blog Stats

Mood: wow-ed Playing: Come on Eileen by Dexy Midnight Runners

well, actually 2 wows.

Wow#1: I've reached 10,000 visits !! woot woot!!!
Wow#2: 2 of my posts had 10 inbound links!! and both of them had these words innit: "Akademi Fantasia". Go figure !

I was never interested in my stats until i gave deepblue a visit and she had asked 'me' (via the deceptive 'user' tag) whether I have looked at my stats lately.
I asked her how.
And she pointed me to the 'ModBlog Stats' link.
I asked her what good was it for.
And she said she just thought it was interesting. (read: blog stat whore)
Well, i thought you'd like to know DB, that I've kept tabs on my stats since then..
I was constantly checking my stats, seeing if my audience have increased or dwindled. I've also tried to figure out what topics illicit visits and comments.. I was also glad to discover that even when i was away, there were still people who came to visit me *aawwwww*

Since then, I also discovered IPStats , a site that could show how many people visited , when, and from where (50% of my readers are from Asia, 30% are from USA and the other 20% are from AUstralia, Europe, Africa, middle east and South America)
I also found out that most people come and visit me either really late at night (midnight to arnd 3), or early morning (6am to 10am) or late afternoon (5pm to 7pm)..
It even told me whether they were visiting me using Netscape or IE, or 'Other' (that must be u Avi! ha ha!)
too bad IPStats don't work for me anymore.. still figuring out why... :(

What's the point of this post?
Nothing. I just thought the stats were an interesting thing to look at.

i'm a Blog Stat Whore.
There, i've said it. and it's all deepblue's fault!! You've defiled me DB!

Happy Birthday Papa!!

Okay as I mentioned before, today, the 24th of August 2004,
is my dad's birthday!!
Should I tell them your age, Pa?

Oh well, he turns 60 today!!


Here's wishing you more years to come, perhaps in time to hold your great grand-children :)
(assuming Adam get's married at 21, that'll only be 12 years from now..)

Guest, go wish my dad happy birthday .. OVER HERE !

Sunday, August 22, 2004

eeeeekkkk !!

okay so this is somewhat of a delayed reaction.

My dad reads my blog.

I know some of you teenage bloggers (and maybe even some of you not-so-teenage bloggers) out there understand how I feel.
My. DAD. He reads. my. blog.

In fact, he's prolly reading this now
*waves.. "hi Pa!!" *

At first I was freaking out and panicking and I felt cramped and was constantly checking what I wrote.. just in case i wrote something that might hurt his feelings..

Well, the truth is, I don't know my dad that well [anymore].
And I don't think he knows me that well either.
My absence from home (I spent my teenage years at a boarding school) and compounded by the fact that he moved out of our home when I was 19, and my going off to another country to pursue my studies and me getting married even before I came back home made the distance we had created between each other worse.
Our relationship became more like the relationship between the bank and a customer (where I would call to ask for money, but not really that often since I got a scholarship for my studies) and seldom were we like daughter and father, accept maybe during religious/festive gatherings when I would hold and kiss his hand and ask for forgiveness..
His leaving home has made me wary of men and has affected my trust in the loyalty of men (Thank God, Taufik is slowly rebuilding that trust with me). Often times I wonder if disloyalty and unhappiness is in the genes. I don't know whether he realises how much his actions have affected his daughters..
Anyways, I'm not bitter. I mean it's been what.. 15 years? And I have matured, and have begun to see that your life is what you make of it. There will always be sad times and misfortunes. You just have to wade through and stay strong and find happiness elsewhere, and find sustainable happiness and love in God.

So on that note, here's how I'm going to look at this recent turn of events:
This is an opportunity for us to get to know each other. We don't get to meet that often, and emails and phone calls are far and in between, so blogging would be a good way for him to keep abreast on the developments of my life and his grandchildren's life. I also get to read juicy stuff about his past and my relatives pasts from his blog. (Stories that we usually only get to hear during long drives to my late grandma's house or during blackouts).
I'm gonna write freely. I'm not writing out of malice, i.e. to hurt anyone's feelings, so i'm gonna go ahead and write whatever it is i feel like writing about. I'm an adult so i'm way beyond getting reprimanded for using swear words or talking about sex and oggling at pretty boys , so i'm not gonna restrain my self even if my dad is around.. heh heh

So *holds up my bottle of mineral water* here's to rekindling old relationships!

The recent events have made me wonder though.. I know there are a few sibling/couple-bloggers around (ummi and her sister, russell and his sister, nutty and syira, octagon and chocolatedigest, PB and her siblings) ... how are you guys doing?
Has blogging together affected your relationships, and how?

Friday, August 20, 2004

Happy Birthday Kak Long!

[ "Kak Long" is a malay term of endearment for 'eldest sister']

Today, August 20th 2004, is my eldest sister's *cough* indistinct mumble of her age*cough*-th birthday.


We're gonna have a family gathering on sunday.
My dad's birthday is on the 24th, So Papa, you're invited too!! not sure what time we're gonna have it tho... Will call u to confirm

As a birthday present, i'm gonna increase the traffic to both of their blogs.
so, go and visit them!!:
My eldest sister
My father

I know kak long will prolly complain about not getting a real present.. aiyahhh i'll figure out something.

gotta get back to work now! You go ahead and spread the love jam around..

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

bedroom talk

last night aiysha (mokciknab's daughter, my niece) spent the night in our house. Her father is away in Sabah and there's no one to drive her to school, so she's hitching a ride (and a bed) with us. She was supposed to spend the night at her grandma's house, but I thought, why not just stay over. Save me from driving ten-houses away to pick her up tomorrow morning.

So anyways. Everyone sleeps in the same room in my house. So last night the boys were in the top bunk and aiysha slept in the bottom bunk and anis slept on the mattress on the floor. Aiysha had wanted to be on the top bunk with the boys, but I explained to everyone about mahram and stuff which they got a bit confused about and I had to resort to 'Boys with boys and girls with girls' and they said "okay".

This was the conversation after the lights went off:

Me: okay everybody say the du'a (prayer) before sleeping..!
Everybody: says the prayer

My bedroom was transformed into a kindergarten atmosphere where kids chant prayers in unison.
Then there were a jumble of goodnight ilhams, goodnight ihsans, goodnight anis, goodnight ayahs , goodnight bondas.

Taufik: Okay good night. everyone go to sleep.
silence for like, half a minute
Anis: ayah...
Taufik: yes
Anis: Ayah...
Taufik: yes
Ihsan: Aiysha, where's your mommy?
Aiysha: She's at home
Ilham: why is she at home?
Aiysha: Cos she doesnt have a driving license
Ihsan: Oh, she doesnt have a car to come pick you up ?
Aiysha: yeah yeah go to sleep now.
Anis: Bonda..
Me: Yes
Anis: Ayah.. Bonda..
Me + taufik: yes..
Me: What is it Anis?
Anis: Ayah.. gobbledygook
Taufik: huh?
Anis: gobbledygook
Taufik: err.. yes.. go to sleep now
Anis: Ayah...
taufik: *sigh* yes..
Anis: anis gobbledygook
taufik: err yes
Anis: Ayah.. anis gobbledygook
Taufik: what? *gets up and goes to Anis, and finds out she puked on herself*

So then we spent the next half an hour cleaning her up and cleaning up the sheets before putting them into the washing machine. While Aiysha and Ihsan and Ilham was sharing some sort of joke and laughing so looud I could hear them from the kitchen.. when I got back to the room Ilham was singing "My name is Batty and I am Sloppy" or something like that (a song he learned from Fern Gully).

Me: okay, fun's over.. go back to sleep.
Aiysha: Che' teh.. Anis pukes just like my sister.
Me: really? ermm okay, let's go to sleep now.
Anis: Ashaah...
Taufik: yes..
Me: She's calling Aiysha lah..
Taufik: Oh..
Anis: Ashhaaahh
Aiysha: yes anis
Anis: atamnakawim?
Aiysha: wha..?
Anis: atamnakawim?
Ihsan: Adam nak Kawin?
[Adam is Aiysha's brother. 'Nak kawin' means wanna get married. So basically Anis was asking Aiysha whether Adam wants to get married. God knows where that came from..]

It took a while before everyone settled from all the laughing.

Last thing i heard was
Taufik: hey hey hey.. everyone go to sleeep!!!

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

dilly dally no more

If you've read my previous post on my morning routine, you'd know that every weekday morning is spent coaxing my kids to get ready for school.

Well, Tuesday morning was different.
Ilham , the Mr Dilly Dally Number One, was the one most excited to go to school.
He was the first one to brush his teeth, take his shower and put on his clothes.
The rest of the time, he was nagging the rest of us to hurry up and get ready.

The reason?
He has a school trip to the mall.
They're learning how to spend handle money. (as if our kids need a lesson on how to spend).(I have to give him $10)
And he was all excited.
Even complained that I was too slow in getting ready and asked his father to send him to school instead.
I asked him what time the school trip starts.
10 a.m.
I asked him what time it was
7 a.m.
So what's the rush??
He said he wants to make sure he gets there on time.

Hm.. reminds me of my grandmother who always make sure she's there at the station 3 hours earlier than scheduled so that she doesnt miss the bus.

Good thing came out of this though.
This morning, Ilham was the first to wake up and get ready. He even got Taufik to send him to school while the rest of us slackers went in my beat up wira and arrived 15 minutes later.

just because

I almost didnt blog today.
I mean, i came to work, hooked up my laptop, logged on and actually worked before I blogged.

I feel much better. Thankyou so much for all the get well wishes and the home remedies for fevers winks at pizzofmine .
My fever is gone, but I have been coughing all day. been sucking on Wood's Peppermint Lozenges (Lemon Flavour) all day long and that helped a bit.

i have something to blog about today but i think it'll take too long to complete.
In the background, I'm listening to my colleagues who are complaining about our boss who's like a bit wishy washy.
We have a bunch of user accounts and the company's security policy says we've got to review it once a year.
We used to do the review manually, i.e. compile and send email to the supervisors and ask them to reply to us to confirm that the users under their supervision really need those accounts. If they don't respond, then the accounts will get suspended. It was tedious and a lot of work.
Then we started automating stuff. Now a program tracks who's account is up to review sends an email to the supervisor and sends reminders . The supervisors are supposed to go to a website and review the accounts. They don't need to write to anyone. Again, the program would automatically suspend the accounts if the supervisor dont do a review.
But supervisors being supervisors, have 'much better things to do' than review accounts. so today a bunch (which is an understatement) accounts got suspended and they're asking why.
My boss is asking us to re-activate these accounts ..
I think he should just be strict and tell the supervisors off. That they should have reviewed the account when we sent them the first and 2nd and third reminder...
oh well, i'm not the boss.

urm so that's my pathetic blog for today.

Monday, August 09, 2004

i'm sick. so what's new.

Mood: sick.. i have a fever Playing: the tv

saturday was okay. it was spent running around doing errands and buying groceries and stuff. And in the afternoon i went with my sister to watch 'Bukak Api' (which I later found out means doing it without a condom) and 'Malaikat Di Jendela' (Angel at the Window). Both movies were written by Osman Ali and produced by Jaya Jayaseelan (I hope i got his name right).
Anyways it was an interestiing show. I wanna write more about it but i'm sick and my brain's not functioning straight..
Saturday night i started feeling a bit weird..i started sneezing and had a runny nose so i took some Rinafort b4 going to bed but when i got up on sunday i felt worse.
I spent Sunday taking rinafort and panadols and sleeping on the couch while my kids watch Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam (Vampire of the fragrant night flower) which I had originally bought for my sister in Seattle (i hope u like it dee) but my boys were curious and wanted to watch it so I let them. (It was pretty but .. err.. irritating coz it wasnt scary). And they also watched Princess Mononoke, which i fell in and out of sleep watching. But the bits and pieces I saw was pretty awesome animation.
My head felt like it was gonna explode so Taufik dragged me to the clinic where the doctor told me I had a temperature of 100 degrees (farenheit? if it was celcius, i'd be boiling, wouldnt I..?) anyways I didnt care coz I knew I was so sick i just want him to give me whatever it is he was supposed to give me to make me feel better.
So I got an MC for today (Monday). I'm left alone at home. I ate some porridge and my medicine and watched TV and ate more porridge and medicine and watched more TV.. and now its 4pm and I decided to blog.
mm kay gonna take a nap now.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Hellboy - the movie

The first time I saw Mike Mignola's Hellboy, it was from my brother's comic book collection.

I liked the chunky strokes. The simple lines. The sparse but detailed illustrations.
It's almost the same style like Frank Miller.

I can't remember the title of the HellBoy comic my brother had. But I remember it was that one where they went to Transylvania and hellboy got caught and was tied to a tree. And the blond woman (what's her name, Rasputin's girlfriend) was put into the iron maiden and blood was gushing out..
Anyways. I thought the comic was pretty scary. Not something I would introduce to my kids. (neither is Frank Miller's Sin City..)
So when I heard that they're making a Hellboy movie, I was of course sceptic about whether I wanted to watch it. Would it be scary? Would it be gross?
But i heard so many good reviews about it and I caught the trailer one day and I was like, "Wow. That IS Hellboy". i mean, they did a pretty good job with the makeup and action sequence in terms of making it look believable.

Last weekend I finally watched the movie. But not before I warned my kids: "This is just a movie. It is not real. They do not exist. Understand? If you're scared, close your eyes".
Thank God there weren't much f-words in this one (I didnt want the incident with Mystic River to happen again, so my thumb was ready on the mute button). But Ilham says a lot of "Crap!" nowadays.

I must say, the movie was pretty entertaining. It had a good story line, well thought out characters and great effects. Plus, the actors in this movie was all good. I felt for most of the folks, hell-born, mutant or not.
I know a lot of people have said this, but I just wanna say it myself:
I know the great make-up and it special effects helped. But I think his great talent and voice and experience in playing Beast (in Beauty and the Beast) also contributed in fleshing out the character. He is truly an underrated and often-ignored actor.

I think the special effects on this one was better then Hulk or Spiderman (1), where some of the jumps and leaps looked so unreal, we could see that it was fake and computer generated. maybe everything being so dark also helped.

I don't know if it's the PS2 getting to me or what, but I looked at some scenes in the movie and I was going like ,"Hey this would make a good game" . Does that ever happen to you?
A particularly good game scene would be that part when they were in rasputin's tomb, on that stone bridge and they had to run across it before a huge pendulum crushes into them.. damn. I could almost *see* how that would be played.

I hated the ending though. Somehow it was like out of place, and a bit of an anticlimax.
I expected the Gods of Doom to look more menacing then a giant octupus. Maybe something more like a Balrog or something.. I thought the Octupus looked pretty lame and awkward .. how was it going to wreak destruction into the world??

But that part when HellBoy kissed Liz and they went up in blue flames was just awesome though.
I hope it makes my kids think twice about kissing someone of the opposite sex.
heh heh..