Monday, October 09, 2006

The person she was

SMS conversation

Me: Is Mama with you or at her hse?
rotidua: Ours. She's praying. Klong dah sampei. Everyone will iftar at our hse today, in case u wanna talk to everyone. ceh full sentence type sms. didi la ni.
Me: Patutla berzmn nak reply. I'll call yr hp in ten minutes. Nak ckp ngan Mama je. Kaklong tido mana?
rotidua: Not now. Kat luar beli breakfast. K Long tido rumah kitaorg. tak pun call her or firhad.
me: Breakfast? Bulan pose bfast kejadah apa...
rotidua: Halo, 2 pompuan dewasa yg subur dan 3 kanak2.

So I called and talked to my mom.
Asked her how she was. She has high blood pressure the doctor said. She's taking medicine. She can't eat meat or tofu. It makes her feel heaty.
I asked her what are her plans for Eid, and she got all sebak (choked up) on me. Her house is empty now coz most of us have moved out. What's worse is that 3 of her children are not even in the country anymore.
I suggested that she take this opportunity to travel, go back to her hometown, since basically she has no responsibilities anymore. She doesn't have to worry about babysitting her grandkids or feeding her children or something.
But then she said "Nak jalan dengan siapa... ?" (Who would I travel with?)
I wanted to say "Travel alone aje lah", but I just kept quiet. Then I changed the subject.

It bothers me to see her this way. I mean, this is a woman who before she was even twenty, had gotten an opportunity to study in England, and during her school holidays, had hitchhiked her way across Europe.
I grew up listening to the stories of her travels and dreamt I could do the same. I didnt, because I didnt have the guts.
So what happened to that woman? What or who, broke that spirit? Did we, her children, do that to her?
Will my spirit be broken too when I grow older?

Maybe she just needs someone to remind her that that independent person is still there inside her.

Izani has woken up, and he's crying. Gotta go.

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