Friday, October 13, 2006


I don't usually do this, but I just feel the need to rant. This is not meant as a personal attack on anyone, i am just venting my feelings. So please, don't take it personally, if you happen to read this.

I really shouldnt take things too personally.

But I cant help it, I'm a woman!!
and women tend to internalize things more than men. When something goes wrong, women blame themselves, while men blame other people.

You know we have a gathering of melayus for iftar every Thursday during Ramadhan. I have been inviting this one malay family to join us since the start of Ramadhan.
First week, they said it was too short notice. They had gone to buy groceries and had come home after 4, so the mom didnt have time to prepare something to bring along (these gatherings are potluck, but you're not really obligated to bring anything. People don't frown on you if you just bring a few bottles of pepsi or even come empty handed. It's the company, not the food that makes the gatehring). It's okay, I said, maybe next week then, coz we have this every week in ramadhan.
Second week, they said their kids insists on having crabs.
Third week(this week), they said they have some company thingy.
I can't help but feel a little dissed, you know.
I mean, if you really wanna come, you'd arrange things around, but obviously you don't really wanna come.
I really shouldnt feel this way, coz I'm not even the host! but why do I still feel this way????
I voiced my feelings to Taufik and he said "Releklah.. biarkan diorang" (Relax, let them be)
I tried chanting "It's them, not me. It's them, not me. It's them, not me" but it didnt work.
I keep wondering, why?? why?? why???
Is there something negative that they see in me that they're afraid would be generally representative of the melayus that they'd rather not mix with the rest of us? "You're not really nice, so I don't want to meet your friends"?? Am I nasty? Am I nosy? Am I too overly friendly? Not sophisticated enough? Not rich enough?
Do they feel too good to gather with the rest of us melayus or what?
whatt? whatttt????????

deep breaths. inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale.......

okay. let's try to be a little bit more emphatic now.
Maybe, they're just embarassed.
I mean, after not being able to make it during the first 2 weeks of ramadhan, they feel a little awkward about suddenly making it on the third week of ramadhan. Like when you've missed classes for two straight days, you'd feel a little sheepish about meeting the teacher on the third day.
hokay. maybe.

okay rant over. I feel better.

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