first cut is the deepest

Izani stuck his fingers into the drainhole of the bath tub when I was bathing him yesterday afternoon. He does this all the time. he like to stick his fingers into things. He's a curious little boy.
I turned off the tap and wrapped his towel around him and gave his hand a slight tug while telling him it was time to go. He took his hand out and started crying. I thought he was just protesting about having to get out of the bath, but then I noticed that his finger, the one he had stuck into the drainhole, was dripping blood.

Oh. My. God.
*panic panic panic*
Taufik was not home, he had to send the boys to a playdate in another compound.
i was all aloooonnnneeeeee.
what to do what to do his towel was getting pink.
think think think, get it bandaged.
but get him in diapers first, in case he pees.
I rumaged through my drawers and got some round facial cotton and wrapped it around his finger, the cotton turned crimson on contact.
got him in diapers as quick as I could.
Izani cried, I don't know whether coz he didnt want to put on his diaper or because he was in pain or because he's sensing my distress when I saw that he's starting to eat the cotton.
I took the now red cotton away from his hands, he wailed louder coz now he doesnt have anything to chew on.
I wrapped a new piece of cotton and then proceeded to look for bandages, handyplast, whatever.
We were out of Burnol. dammit dammit.
Saw minyak gamat*.
will have to do.
took bloodied cotton out of izani's mouth, held him on my hips while I use my free hand to cut up some cotton bandage squares leftover from when I returned home from giving birth to this boy who now has a bleeding left index finger.
so many thoughts raced through my brain all at once.
Did i tug too hard? how big should the square be? Was it my fault? Does minyak gamat sting? I am sorry baby I am so sorry. It says "Untuk luka kecil dan senak perut" so should be okay yes? Stop chewing on the cotton!! Why oh why didnt I take his fingers out gently?
I cleaned the wound with some alcohol prep, which made Izani scream coz it stings, but I had to see the damage, and I don't want him to get an infection.
The cut is kinda bad.. the skin was stripped. it was like someone (ME!!! aaarrrggghhh!!!!!) took a knife and carved around the inside of his knuckle. But I saw no bones, and it didnt look like it needed stitches, so i was kinda relieved.
I wanted to scream, but all I could do was say sorry sorry sorrrry
By then I didnt even care that he was chewing on the cap of the minyak gamat.
I finally wrapped his finger up with minyak gamat, cotton bandages and some tape.
he chewed on the bandages while I carried him around on my shoulder.
I breastfed him till he fell asleep, then I had a good cry.
We're going to see the peadetriacian in 45 minutes.
It's probably just small cut, but to a mother, the pain she feels is deeper than the wound looks.

*minyak gamat- an ointment made from sea cucumbers, said to have healing properties.