"I'm Sorry"

When I visited my friend one day, she kept going on and on about her husband's recent overseas trip. He was presenting a paper in a city which she considered to be very romantic and his co-presenter, a lady, went together with him. She couldn't go because she was working. She said she wasn't worried about his fidelity because the lady is married, and my friend knows the lady quite well. She said she wasn't jealous of the lady spending time with her husband, but she kept saying that she imagined him taking pictures of her and her of him, at places where she wished she could visit herself. And she kept asking me "If you were in my shoes, how would you feel?"
Her husband, who is by nature a man of very little words, just kept a straight face throughout the conversation, only letting out a little smile once in a while when Taufik or I would jokingly tease my friend about her 'jealousy'.
She incessantly brought the subject up, as if unsatisfied and searching for something, a right response perhaps.
If her husband had asked me what a right response would have been, I would have told him to say "I'm Sorry".

I know many men would be shaking their heads right about now.
When I was invited to talk about John Grey's "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" on the now defunct cyberjaya.tv morning show when the book celebrated its 10th anniversary, I had told the hosts (mokciknab, Che' Mi and Che' Kem), that the best thing that a man can say to his female partner to foster good relationship is "I'm Sorry". Che' Kem and Che' Mi almost jumped out of their seats and vehemently dissagreed. "But what if you didn't do anything wrong?" Che' Kem argued.

See. There in lies the difference between men and women.

Men sees "I'm Sorry" as apologizing and admitting fault.
Women, on the other hand, sees "I'm Sorry" as apologizing and assuring feelings.

It doesn't really matter who is at fault, when a woman feels hurt, they need someone to validate that feelings, so that they themselves feel validated. They want to hear "Yes, you have the right to feel that way, and I care for you enough to make you feel better". An "I'm Sorry" (especially if it's from the man that made her feel bad in the first place), does exactly that. (It's either that, or an "I know exactly how you feel!!" from another woman, but wouldn't it be better if it came from the man in question?)

Now, if you have a husband that has not read the book (or this post)(or is just plain blurr), how in the world do you get him to say "I'm Sorry"?
It took me quite a few years to learn to do this : Just ask for it.
Before I learned how to ask, all I did was seethe and pout and feel miserable. Then I picked up the courage to just say, "look, all I wanted to say is my feelings are hurt (or I dont feel loved) by (whatever), and what would make me feel loved now is an I'm Sorry from you".
You'd be suprised as to how quick you'd get that "I'm Sorry".

Try it, and tell me if your relationship doesn't get better :)