Sunday, August 22, 2004

eeeeekkkk !!

okay so this is somewhat of a delayed reaction.

My dad reads my blog.

I know some of you teenage bloggers (and maybe even some of you not-so-teenage bloggers) out there understand how I feel.
My. DAD. He reads. my. blog.

In fact, he's prolly reading this now
*waves.. "hi Pa!!" *

At first I was freaking out and panicking and I felt cramped and was constantly checking what I wrote.. just in case i wrote something that might hurt his feelings..

Well, the truth is, I don't know my dad that well [anymore].
And I don't think he knows me that well either.
My absence from home (I spent my teenage years at a boarding school) and compounded by the fact that he moved out of our home when I was 19, and my going off to another country to pursue my studies and me getting married even before I came back home made the distance we had created between each other worse.
Our relationship became more like the relationship between the bank and a customer (where I would call to ask for money, but not really that often since I got a scholarship for my studies) and seldom were we like daughter and father, accept maybe during religious/festive gatherings when I would hold and kiss his hand and ask for forgiveness..
His leaving home has made me wary of men and has affected my trust in the loyalty of men (Thank God, Taufik is slowly rebuilding that trust with me). Often times I wonder if disloyalty and unhappiness is in the genes. I don't know whether he realises how much his actions have affected his daughters..
Anyways, I'm not bitter. I mean it's been what.. 15 years? And I have matured, and have begun to see that your life is what you make of it. There will always be sad times and misfortunes. You just have to wade through and stay strong and find happiness elsewhere, and find sustainable happiness and love in God.

So on that note, here's how I'm going to look at this recent turn of events:
This is an opportunity for us to get to know each other. We don't get to meet that often, and emails and phone calls are far and in between, so blogging would be a good way for him to keep abreast on the developments of my life and his grandchildren's life. I also get to read juicy stuff about his past and my relatives pasts from his blog. (Stories that we usually only get to hear during long drives to my late grandma's house or during blackouts).
I'm gonna write freely. I'm not writing out of malice, i.e. to hurt anyone's feelings, so i'm gonna go ahead and write whatever it is i feel like writing about. I'm an adult so i'm way beyond getting reprimanded for using swear words or talking about sex and oggling at pretty boys , so i'm not gonna restrain my self even if my dad is around.. heh heh

So *holds up my bottle of mineral water* here's to rekindling old relationships!

The recent events have made me wonder though.. I know there are a few sibling/couple-bloggers around (ummi and her sister, russell and his sister, nutty and syira, octagon and chocolatedigest, PB and her siblings) ... how are you guys doing?
Has blogging together affected your relationships, and how?

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