Monday, April 20, 2009

The Fountain, and death.

After receiving news of the passing of a young man yesterday, I needed distraction.
I dont know why the news affected me so, since I dont really know him. Perhaps the thought of the loss that his family is feeling reminded me of my own loss.
I tried sewing. An online quiz gave me relief, for a short time. I made chicken soup for dinner, and made a spicy chilli+soy sauce to go with it, but that reminded me of Lollies, which in turn reminded me of the boy and the grief the family must be going through.
I decided to watch TV and discovered The Fountain was on. Surely Hugh Jackman and the always beautiful Rachel Weisz would be able to cheer me up?
This movie started off really confusing, but I kept on watching believing it is going to be a love story with a happy ending and I was going to emerge warm and fuzzy at the end.
This movie was really really really sad.
I kept crying and crying, even long after the movie was over. Even when I didnt understand the ending.
I tried to sleep but I continued thinking about the scenes in the movie. The sense of love, of loss , of extreme grief, of loyalty, of tenacity, of what you would do for love that was potrayed in the movie really affected me. Perhaps more so with the current news still lingering in my mind.
I finally slept, and couldnt remember what I dreamt of.
When I woke up though, I had a sense of peace.

I think I know now.

Death is inevitable. No matter how much you try to avoid it, no matter how much you try to prolong your time (or somebody else's time), you will, eventually, face death.
This does not mean you should stop trying to prolong life, it only means that you need not fear death so much so that you stop living.
And when death does come (to you or your loved one), and you suffer the loss, we need not fear the loss, because it is not the end.
Death is not the end of the person.
The end of the life does not signify the end of the loving.
Thus we should not wallow in grief or regret, because it does nothing to the dead, nor the living.
Continue loving, and continue living.

Knowing this, I am ready to let go.
I love you. I am ready to let go now.


  1. famygirl4:00 AM

    this is so sad :( lollies' post was already sad.

    "Continue loving, and continue living"... I like that.

  2. Dear Kak Elisa,

    Innalillah... Semoga rohnya dirahmati Allah...

  3. Salam sis...
    Death and issue of death have been in my mind more often than not nowadays... a year added to the age is a year closer to death... and your last para is a good thought, something jabbing my heart and mind and yeah... you are right sis.

    Letting go is never easy, I know.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Take acre and hugs.