Preparing Myself - Leaving the kids

I've been preparing the kids about being away for us for 10 days since the day we decided to go for Hajj (about 2,3 months ago). I consulted them on who they would like to stay with. I told them why I needed to go and why I couldn't bring them along like when we were going to Umrah. I briefed them on what was the acceptable and expected behaviour at someone else's house (make the bed, clean up messes, help wash dishes, take care of your own laundry). I told them to pray for my safety after they solat. I also told them that their dad is going to come back home with a surprise (bald head). They keep urging to me to tell them what it will be, but Taufik and I said it wouldnt be a suprise if I told them.

Izani had been watching me pack these last few weeks and he's been asking me
"Yee goin?" (Where are you going?) and I've been telling him I was going to Makkah and when he says "I wan go makah" (I want to go to Makkah) I would tell him "You will stay with Auntie Ana, and I'd tell him he'd get to eat currypuffs and watch TV and watch Ben10 and Dinosaurs and he was happy with the response.

So yesterday we sent the kids to Kak Ana and Ahmad Shah's house. We spent about 3 hours there, assuring ample time for the kids to know the family and their kids, telling them how to prepare Izani's milk, what my kids like/dont like to eat and such. Kak Ana and Ahmad Shah have been helping to take care of people's kids many times before, so I was assured that my kids will be safe.

When it was time to say goodbye, Anis and Ilham came and hugged me tight. Ihsan, however, was bawling his eyes out. He was asking why he could go with me, he promised he'd be good and would hold tightly to my hand so that he wouldnt get lost. I tried to explain to him why I thought it would be dangerous for him to come along, but yet I was also reluctant to tell him of all the dangers coz I was worried if he would think that his parents would be in danger. SO I tried to appease him by telling Ilham to let Ihsan play with the computer. Ihsan finally calmed down after Taufik gave him 10riyals for pocket money. hee hee.

Izani ...
was totally hunky dory! He kissed me, hugged me and said "I laf yew bodha" (I love you Bonda) and went back to eat his carrot. When I was waving the kids goodbye as we drove away, Izani was all smiles and waving at me "bye bye, bye bye!".
Sheesh.

I didn't cry.

Until it was time for bed, and I was checking my alarm on my phone and saw izani's face on the screen saver.
dang.
I lay in bed looking at the empty spot in between Taufik and I where Izani usually sleeps, and I could almost feel him hugging me and his tiny peck on my lips as he would say "goo nite bodha, i laf yew bodha". I could smell his lotion and powder on my pillow.
I lost it then.
I asked Taufik whether he thought the kids would be asleep then. We had been re-packing our bags so it was almost 11:30pm, so Taufik said it'd be too late to call.
*sigh*

I called them at 9am this morning.
Izani was still asleep, only Ilham wanted to talk to us. Ihsan and Anis was at the computer and couldnt care less.

hokay.
One less worry on my mind.
Now, concentrate on hajj!