Hajj Lessons

Alhamdulillah, I am back home safely.

If you don't mind, I won't be writing much on my experience. Not because I dont want to share, but because I am afraid if I write too much, I would be prone to riak (boasting?) or might induce other people to make fitnah from misconception.

But I do would like to share this:
Performing the Hajj is truly like going to battle. You leave your family behind, you take along only the essentials and you make do with whatever we have.
But the battle is not only physical, it was also emotional, psychological and spiritual.
I believe that Allah gives you lessons to learn everyday, irregardless of whether you are on Hajj or not, but somehow during that period, perhaps due to the situation, lessons seems to be more intense and you are somewhat forced to learn it.

I learned a very shocking thing about myself during this hajj.
I learned that even though I consider myself to be a very open minded, understanding and polite person, deep down inside I am actually very presumptuous and judgemental.
My mom's main advice to me was to watch what I say and to try to keep my mouth shut and refrain from giving my opinion whenever I feel the need to (for she surely knows her daughter well). I did not heed my mother's advice. I admonished someone close to me for being judgemental, only to realize that I myself was being judgemental of her. I hurt her feelings and was wrecked with guilt until I approached her for forgiveness. Truly we are meant to be friends, because she forgave me, masya-Allah.

I realize that each and everyone who went for the hajj has their own private battles and private lessons to learn. You really need to learn the lesson on your own, no one is going to take you aside and point out to you what you need to learn. Being confined in terms of space and schedule really force you to really look into yourself and discover and think about who you really are and what you want to become.
They tell you to do alot of dzikr and reading the Qur'an and think about Allah, and even though you do it for Allah, I discovered that all those actually benefited me more than I can explain. It kept me away from doing wrong things, it reminded me of what was important in life, and masya-Allah, I even found a verse that provided a solution to a dillema that I have been struggling with for most of my life. Truly, Allah is great.
Even when I thought a situation is bad, friends all around remind me that Allah is All-knowing and he's trying to teach me a lesson, I think about Allah and try to find the lesson in the bad situation, and Alhamdulillah, I got through it.
I never understood it when people come back from Hajj say they had a 'beautiful experience', but now I do. Masya-Allah.

Insya-Allah, I have prayed for all of you to have peace, happiness and good health.
May Allah grant my prayers and accept my hajj. Amin.

p/s I'd do another post on tips for Hajj (i.e. what to bring, what to do). But maybe in a few days, okay, coz I still need to do laundry then pick up my kids (Gosh, I missed them so much!!)