:(

I'm a bit down today.

Apart from the frustration that I can never clean up my house enough coz it will get messed up in the next five minutes when 4 tornadoes (read: my kids) pass through it, I also got a very upsetting text message.

Yesterday I messaged my friend Wal, inquiring about his new baby. He replied that his wife is fine but the baby was under intensive care because his/her lung is not functioning properly. I prayed for the recovery of his baby, and couldnt stop thinking about it.
This morning I messaged him again, expecting good news, but got a reply that the baby passed yesterday afternoon and was put to rest in the evening.
I was devastated.
I asked him if I could call him, and he said sure.
As I am typing this I have not called him.

I kept trying to think of what to say. And what to say without crying.
Coz every time I started imagining our conversation, I get all teared up.
What can you say?
Asking "how are you" seems like a stupid question.
I can't even bring myself to ask whether his baby was a girl or a boy. I feel like it's irrelevant. But I also feel that it is relevant, coz he/she was his baby, even though for only awhile.
gawd I'm choked up even writing about this.
I want to hug him and his wife, to tell them it's okay, they already have 2 beautiful children, they can make more children but somehow that seems so callous.
I want to tell them to be brave, to surrender and accept fate, to look at this as a test, but that sounds so cliche.
How can I tell them all this and comfort them when I myself am breaking down trying to imagine how I would feel if I were in their place?

I messaged him just now, when I thought I'd be strong enough not to break down when I talk to him. I asked if it was too late too call, whether he's already asleep. (It's like 11:30pm in Malaysia).
No reply.

I am telling myself that I will be stronger tomorrow and I will make a point to call him.