Tuesday, December 18, 2007


I'm a bit down today.

Apart from the frustration that I can never clean up my house enough coz it will get messed up in the next five minutes when 4 tornadoes (read: my kids) pass through it, I also got a very upsetting text message.

Yesterday I messaged my friend Wal, inquiring about his new baby. He replied that his wife is fine but the baby was under intensive care because his/her lung is not functioning properly. I prayed for the recovery of his baby, and couldnt stop thinking about it.
This morning I messaged him again, expecting good news, but got a reply that the baby passed yesterday afternoon and was put to rest in the evening.
I was devastated.
I asked him if I could call him, and he said sure.
As I am typing this I have not called him.

I kept trying to think of what to say. And what to say without crying.
Coz every time I started imagining our conversation, I get all teared up.
What can you say?
Asking "how are you" seems like a stupid question.
I can't even bring myself to ask whether his baby was a girl or a boy. I feel like it's irrelevant. But I also feel that it is relevant, coz he/she was his baby, even though for only awhile.
gawd I'm choked up even writing about this.
I want to hug him and his wife, to tell them it's okay, they already have 2 beautiful children, they can make more children but somehow that seems so callous.
I want to tell them to be brave, to surrender and accept fate, to look at this as a test, but that sounds so cliche.
How can I tell them all this and comfort them when I myself am breaking down trying to imagine how I would feel if I were in their place?

I messaged him just now, when I thought I'd be strong enough not to break down when I talk to him. I asked if it was too late too call, whether he's already asleep. (It's like 11:30pm in Malaysia).
No reply.

I am telling myself that I will be stronger tomorrow and I will make a point to call him.


  1. Have strength, dear, I'm sure your friends will appreciate your support now. *hugs*

  2. i won't know how to do better than you in similar situation.

  3. selamat hari raya.
    the baby is under His care :)

  4. had similar experience recently. my SIL had a stillbirth 2 weeks before her due date.She is still in hospital bcos of some medical complication. i'm suppose to call her for support, but what do you say thatll make it better? it's been a week but i'm still procrastinating.

  5. Elisa, I got the voicemail you left me. Please don't worry about calling me or not knowing what to say to me in this situation. I know that you love and care for me and my family and that's all that matters.

    Ailin gave birth to Yusuf Airiss at 9.12am and he passed away in my arms at 4.03pm. He was put to rest that same night, around 9.30pm.

    Ailin and I are fine most of the time. Going to bed at night is difficult coz we think of him before we go to sleep.

    Ailin is recovering well from the c-section.

    Thanks, and *hugs*

  6. Assalamualaikum! Lama Mak Teh tak menjenguk Elisa. Happy to read about your life over there. May Allah protect you and family always. Dalam kehidupan kisah suka dan duka silih berganti. Sentiasalah kita ingat kepadaNYA.

  7. ...innalillaaahi wa-innaaa ilaihi raaa ji'uun.

    Putih bersih berjumpa dengan Allah.

    Sekurang-kurangnya dah ada orang menunggu untuk pimpin Wal&Ailin menyeberang Siratul Mustaqim... insyaallah.


    *wipes tears*