Friday, February 18, 2005

Would you fight for your love?

Mood: ermmm so so

After watching Outback Jack last night,
yeah yeah .. we're still talking about this stupid show .. I am just a sucker for reality shows.. what to do..
it got me thinking..
here were 6 women, right, and they're fighting to win the love of a man.
I wonder whether I could ever do that.

I mean, if Taufik were ever captured or something (na'uzubllah - God Forbid) I would definitely fight to save him.
But, if I did not know whether he loves me or not and I was just trying to figure that out, I don't think I would have the gall to compete for his love.
To me, love just happens. You can't like force it or win it or something. You can show it, yes, but to have it reciprocated, that is not something you can control. And if it is not reciprocated, what can you do? You move on.

One of the few things I made clear to Taufik before we got married was this:
If he ever fell out of love with me, he should tell me. Don't stick around so as not to 'hurt my feelings'. Just -ing tell me and get it over with. I cannot take drama. I cannot take disloyalty. I cannot take infidelity.
I also told him that if he shows any indication of not loving me, I will not fight for him. I'd just let go. I will not go and see a bomoh (a shaman) and plead for him to be cured of this 'ailment' .. I will just leave him and move on.
Is that cruel?
I think it's just practical. It's for survival.
Does that make me seem that I love him any less? I don't think so. I think it only means that I love myself more than I love him.
If i ever lose him for whatever reason, I think I would be very sad. But would I fight over him with another woman? I don't think so. I am too proud. Is that bad?

So anyways, back to what happened in Outback Jack.
Last night the other girls voted out Marissa, who seemed to be getting really close to Jack, and whom I think is his favourite.
"With Marissa, there is this connection that I cannot put a finger on" he said.
When she got voted out , i thought, Oh my god.. what if she is really his true love? Would he really pick another girl for the sake of the show's format and would never know? That would be so sad.
But then again, I believe in fate and destiny and that God has plans for everyone. If Marissa and Jack were meant to be, they'd hook up sooner or later.

I can't believe that stupid show is making me think so much..
its prolly all writen out and contrived anyways.. eh?

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