Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Tunguska Treatment

My husband has this really bad habit of reacting to my anger instead of addressing it.
Instead of getting understanding and comfort, I would often get scolded for being angry. This of course, makes me all the more angry. Sometimes initially I would be angry at something or someone else, but when he scolds me for getting angry, I would start feeling angry at *him*.
I have told him so many times how this habit of his makes me feel. I feel like he is saying I have no right to be angry. I feel like he is dismissing my feelings. I feel like he is dismissing *me*. I feel unsupported and uncomforted when he's the only person I could turn to for emotional support and comfort. It makes me feel unloved.

When this happened again for the umpteenth time, I decided to give him the cold shoulder. (Coz expressing my anger would only mean I'd get scolded again, so what other choice do I have?).

Every morning we have this ritual we do before he goes to work. I 'salam' (something like shaking his hand) him, kiss his hand, kiss him and give him a hug and we say our "I love you"s.
This morning, the effort came mostly from him. I still salam-ed and kissed his hand (coz I want his forgiveness even if he's not asking for mine), but the kiss was not as passionate (just a peck) and he was doing most of the hugging. I didn't bother replying to his declaration of love, even almost replied "yeah... right". I just turned around and got back to cutting up vegetables for making stock.

As I was chopping the butts off the spring onions, I thought of what he was wearing to work. Coveralls, boots and he had carried his cardboard box of hard hat, nozzles, gauges and what not.
It occurred to me that he's going to the rig. That would take at least an hour or two of driving. I felt kinda guilty. I can't let him drive that long and that far with a heavy heart as a result of my behavior this morning. I don't even know where he's going off to!
I checked that he had not driven past my kitchen window, so I ran to the front door hoping to catch him. Sure enough, I opened the door to find him reversing the car.
I held up my hand, but he thought I was saying goodbye, so he waved back and turned the car to move forward. I held up my hand again, and he finally rolled down the window.

"Where are you going?" I shouted from my front door to him out on the street.
"Manifa", he replied, and put up three fingers, meaning 3 hours drive away.
"Drive carefully!" I said to him.
And he smiled a smile that even I could see from that distance.

I bet he's thinking "Sayang jugak dia kat aku" (She loves me after all).
Ya lah.. memang lah sayang. (yes, of course I love him)

I'm still angry though.


  1. hehehehehehe, cewita yang tweet tangat... though i totally agree with elisa about the entire thing in the first para *joins elisa pouting against topan. eh. taufik.*

    ek eh by the way malam tadi your kakak dah kasi greenlight to me to plagiarise her pantuns, hehe. znr ada no. hp dia rupanya!

  2. cold shoulder nyer *rolls eyes* more like suam-suam shoulder jer.

    I suspect he didn't even notice you sulking. Men!

    We have almost similar ritual. Kalau gaduh salam pun tak.. terus jalan je.

    Eh better stop here before i mengata your brother more. Ahahhahah

  3. Alin,
    kan kan kan??? Mari kita pout sama sama!
    *pout pout pout*
    eh betullah, Znr *should* have her number.. tak ke diorang satu 'komiti' dulu?
    wah wah wah sure gempak habis kat dinner tu nanti! Mintak upah lebih sikit!

    Tak boleh lah over cold shoulder sangat.. nanti takde gang nak borak lak. Kita dah lah sebatang kara kat sini.
    Lagipun kalau marah2 suami lama2 nanti malaikat tak pandang.
    eceh ceh ceh.... *wink*

  4. Sorry nyampuk sket.

    Kak Elisa, understanding man...they r always like that (macam baca kisah dalam Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus pulak). Kalau kita perlu dipujuk pun, selalunya sebaliknya yang berlaku (kena marah!). Not only your husband. Di sebalik memahami mereka, kadang2 terdetik di hati...sebab apa lah depa taknak/ (tak reti?) fahami wanita.

    ;) heh!

  5. ohh elisa,

    this is so sweet... marah-marah sayang ...

  6. Hany
    Haritu dia kena tegur dengan Kak Faridah sebab tone dia masa cakap dengan elisa bunyi macam marah.. eheheh.. orang lain tegur baru dia sedar. Kita tegur dia buat derkk aje..

    Eh budak kecik tak boleh baca ni. Budak kecik kena pegi baca buku sekolah!

    You have experienced? *wink*

  7. macam baca romance novel hehehe

    kenkadang seronok gak merajuk ni :p

  8. so cute! Hehhe..

  9. hehehehehe..biasalah tu..

    there's one day, two weeks ago kot, I was annoyed with him (dah lupa pasal apa) but I remember kes macam ni lah yg dah ke berapa belas kali kan? So, I konon decided nak merajuk by tengok TV downstairs sambil2 lipat kain sensorang. walhal badan dah penat sangat ikutkan nak tidur jer... He was upstairs..last-last I tertidur kat sofa sedar2 I panic takut dia marah wakakakaka..tapi masa tu dah 4.30am in the morning! kuang kuang kuang..I terus bangun ready for the morning..rupanya tertidur di sofa yang tidak disengajakan was a good lesson for him...tapi tak leh buat selaluuuuu! :p

  10. you made me google tunguska and still don't see the connection with the entry. unless that's not that happened that morning ehehe.

    hate to disappoint you but unfortunately we must have evolved to react in such a way. it's how we've been surviving all these while living with another person that bleeds for 7 days in a month and still carries on to tell the tales.

  11. isk... correction... unless that was not all that happened...

  12. tee...hee..hee...mana boleh nak merajuk lama-lama kan..kan..geram tu geram jugak but sayang tu tetap tak berubah.

  13. if i am mad at chip, if he has to go out, i will redakan my anger by then because i am scared of what might happen when he goes out. pas tu startla feel guilty etc, what if he doesn't forgive me bla bla bla.

    tapi yesterday he said i was annoying haha. as per my blog lah.

    actually to me, as long as dapat hubby yang can understand you when you are having ur PMS, that's a hubby worth having.

  14. Firhad5:28 AM

    Tunguska tu bukan the meteor shower or something? read an article about it somewhere.

    Cold shoulder is because sometime kita balik jer kena marah tak pesal pesal...what the?

    pastuh ngungkit...hahahahah...

  15. kak elisa,
    doesn't your husband read your blog? ke mmg itu tujuan entry ni ditulis?

    my husband read my blog, and sometimes i do try to put in 'subtle' messages that i hope he'll pick up hehe ;p

    a silent reader

  16. Ini Papa tak boleh campur. But I got DVDs that you both should watch. Among them "The Notebook" & "Away From Her". Balik cepat.

  17. Aik Tengku Firhad, membalas nampak.

  18. Dia kata kalau dia jawab masa tu nanti jadi detrimental. Sangat harmful. Alaa cakap sorry hug kita tak leh ke? Huhuhu

    Tapi kekadang dia bukan perasan pun. Jadi buang masa pulak sulking. Tapi bial baik best. tee he he

    HAHAHAHHAHA you know what kat you punya word verification i nak type ni dia tulis WINKS


  19. umm adeeba1:52 AM

    that is so sweet of you, memanglah lumrahnya, we are stuck to each other for the rest of our lives, Allah has put that love and mercy in your hearts to always love him no matter what he does.Thats beautiful and keep it that way.

    Same with me here, you just cant hate to love or love to hate whatever lol. Kadang-kadang geram jugak, kelakar betul, baca blog you macam tengok cerita zaman PRamlee dulu lol

    MashaAllah you really got time to write a blog.

  20. ahaks...macam citer yg sama jugak saya selalu buat ni

  21. alaaaaaa...... bila pulak my turn nak ader adegan2 sebegini di dalam hidup *pout jugak.


  22. hehe...kak lisa ni..
    cannot imagine you yg comel sulking..lagi la comel!tu yg your hubby sayang sgt you and vice versa.
    usik mengusik and merajuk ni bertambahla sayang kan..the make up part yg paling best itu la yg my hubby always

  23. sis elisa,
    hahahaha... i always do that to him (terukkan i?)... so bila i baca this entry, i tersenyum sendirian.. hehehe...

  24. alaaa.. can't stop my eyes from crying laaaa...
    cam tu la kita husband and wife ni.. dengan sape lagi nak merajuk-rajuk.. dengan sape lagi nak marah-marah.. kalau bukan dengan kawan sekatil or sometimes sebantal tu.. hehee..

  25. Hi elisa,

    I pernah cuba cold treatment. I guess that's the only treatment my hubby realise. Yang lain-lain don't work. Anyway we memang try to settle before sunsets kerana "apabila kamu menjadi marah, janganlah kamu berbuat dosa; janganlah matahari terbenam, sebelum padam marahmu". So bila ada konflik ketika petang, akan diingatin "hey, not worth getting angry cause the sun setting soon!" ha ha ha !

  26. Aliya,
    you biasa buat eh... :)

    Ini lagi sorang budak kecik yang tak berapa kecik.. pegi baca buku.

    hu hu.. i tak pernah buat cam tu, sebab rasa tak fair lah pulak.. kita amrah akt dia, kita pulak nak tidor kat sofa? patut dia lah kena tidor kat sofa!

    Tunguska ni kan in the middle of Siberia..
    Bila nak evolve?

    betulllllll!! Sayang tetap sayang walaupun marah macamana pun, kan?

  27. Nazrah,
    I think bukan engineers pun sama... ;)

    and I think you got the right hubby lah :)

    hee hee... *tersipu-sipu malu*

    Orang jepun begini jugakah?

    Ye lah, ada meteor explosion yang besar di tengah2 Siberia. Get the connection?
    Kalau dia ngungkit tu, maknanya belum dapat closure lagilah tu. Resolve cepat2, nanti takleh ungkit lagi dah.

  28. Mynie,
    Irregardless of whether he reads my blog or not, I would still write to lepaskan perasaan and get feedback from friends. At least now I dont feel so bad, coz orang lain pun pernah experience rupa nya.. hee hee.

    I cannot watch The Notebook. Mesti nangis punya!

    Ye lah.. making up is the best part.. hee hee.

    Kalau tengah ada idea and especially bila geram/emo, sekejap aje boleh type.. so dont really take up time pun :)

    Aik?? kamu juga?? Kita patut ajar benda ni to nonah. Tapi nampak macam MrNeutron tu yang lebih emo dari dia.. ha ha ha.

  29. IronButterfly,
    Eh I think the other day I can read your blog, harini tak boleh pulak? Gone private ke?
    (or maybe I yang confused?)

    comel?? Taufik kata tak comel pun... :P

    i dont feel so alone in this anymore.. ramainya kawan2 I yang suka merajuk rupanya! ha ha

    menangis ke?? Sorry.. didnt mean to make you cry.. Nangis sebab sakit jari kot?

    If konflik waktu malam how? Can or not postpone till sunset besok? tee hee..
    Tapi ye lah, very good advice. Orang kata we must forgive everything by bedtime. Nanti bobo nya nggak tentrem dong.

  30. a.islington4:51 PM

    boy i'm so glad i read this kak elisa..been meaning to ask u about it..sgt2 faham what u mean :)