Self-ness

What is it about women that makes them always think about everybody else first then only themselves? Men has no trouble putting themselves first, it's almost an instinct.

Take this argument I had with Taufik last night:
I have been discovering that he gets up and goes to sleep with the kids almost every night in the past few days. When I asked him why before, he said our room was too warm and the kids' room was cooler (which is true.. our airconditioning distribution is a bit wonky). But last night he told me that I snored too loud, so he had to get away to get some sleep.

Okay, I admit that I snore. Especially when I have a stuffed nose and is forced to breathe through my mouth. Sometimes the snore is so loud, it penetrates my dreams. Sometimes it even blocks my breathing that I wake up because I was suffocating.
BUT.
Taufik snores too. (In fact, i think it's a genetic trait, because everyone in this house, including Izani, snores!). His snores are probably as bad as mine, because there were times when I would wake up just to adjust his head and pillow so that his breathing is not obstructed. Or I would try to turn his body sideways so that he could breath easier.

But that is the extent of how I would handle his snore. It never crossed my mind to leave the room to get a better sleep, no matter how sleepless or groggy I felt in the next morning. Maybe because I thought it would hurt his feelings if I did, just like it would hurt mine.

He didnt even need to think twice about sleeping in another room though. To him, he comes first. He needs his sleep, and that's the bottom line.

He comes first.

Now why is it that I can't bring myself do that?
Is it some internal wiring or what? Can I re-wire myself, and if I did, would it make me a better person?

Losses

These past few weeks I have been crying almost every other day.
It's not just about MJ's passing.
It's not just about watching Nur Kasih.
It's not just about mourning the assasination of Warrick Brown (I know, it's like so old news ... what to do, I'm a little delayed)

Last week I read about ben's mom-in-law's cancer.
Today I learned that she has succumbed to the disease.

I have never met Ben in real life, nor have I met her husband and his mom. But having read Ben for all these years on modblog, efx2, and now wordpress, (five years?) I felt like I know Ben and her family. I have grown to care for them.
I am saddened for her loss, just like I was saddened by the losses suffered by all of my other friends these past few years.
From what I have read about Heiny (ben's husband), and the 21 years of their marriage, I have concluded that ben's mom-in-law must have been quite a woman to have raised a son like that.
May she rest in peace and may her memories be forever cherished by her family.

*sends lots and lots of hugs to ben*