Friday, July 30, 2004


Have you ever felt that you're connected to someone else? Someone that you have never even met?

I've never told anyone about this, but I have often felt as if I was somehow connected to a person somewhere out there.
There was often a time when I felt a sudden emotion. Emotions that were not appropriate for the moment, that I had no reason for feeling.. almost as if I was feeling something someone else was feeling.
Sometimes I would get dreams. Dreams of a girl (who has now become a woman). She would live in a different place and it was almost as if I was living her life.
Sometimes I see her when I was even awake. How is that possible?
I do not know. Sometimes if I stay real quiet, and sit really still, I could almost see her.

There was one time it rained real hard. And there was lightning.
And I have always been afraid of lightning.
Perhaps I read too much Stephen King.
I have always imagined the lightning seeking me out, through windows and doorways and reaching me. Striking me, straight thru the heart.
So when it rains with lightning, I stay indoors, away from the windows.
So anyways.
It was raining, and there was lightning and we just moved to a new house and each room had windows..! dammit. I had nowhere to go.
So I sat on the stairs, which was in the middle of the house, and was blocked from the living room (which had these enormous sliding door spanning the width of the porch..) by a brick wall.
I sat on the stairs, and leaned my head against the brick wall while waiting for the rainstorm to subside.

Then I saw her.

She was in a flat of some sort. It was definitely not a house, because I can see rooftops out of her window.
She was walking about in her living room. It was a bare room with wooden flooring. She wasn't doing anything, just walking back and forth, but I could feel her anxiety.
Then she sat down, on a wooden stool, at this small square wooden table. In a room that I think was a kitchen or something. I don't know, I could only see and feel, I couldn't smell.
And she was crying. She put her elbows on the table and the palms of her hands on her forehead, propping up her head like that and she was sobbing.
She was crying and I felt her sadness... like she lost someone or something.. the feeling was so intense that I almost believed that I was the one who had lost someone or something.

I don't know why, I whispered
"don't be sad. It will be over soon"
and I heard her gasp and look up.

and the rain stopped.
and she was gone from my vision.

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